unwanted erection! just want to cuddle.

Hi everyone!
I'm new here. I've been browsing for a while now but I couldn't find my issue being discussed anywhere. So here it goes.

There is this girl I'm really into. How to explain... We're friends and talk about everything. Actually we've been talking for hours and hours on the phone, we've been sitting on my couch watching movies, we've been kinda cuddling, but not in a sexual way. When we're together, everything is ok, really, for both of us. We both need and enjoy this very much.

I really don't want to rush things (like advancing sexually). I'd rather wait for a long time for even more trust to build up and for things to just happen. And that's where the problem is:

I get an erection all the time I'm with her. We sit next to each other and our knees barely touch – erection. We talk about love – erection. I look her in the eyes – erection. I smell her hair – erection. The most subtle touch is enough. I'm having a hard time hiding it. I do want to hide it, because although I know a girl noticing a boner might be flattered, I really don't want to push her into anything or make her think that what we have right now is not enough for me. For her, right now it's really about being close and intimate in a non-sexual way. And I would totally like to enjoy that for now and just be there with her.
I'm pretty certain she didn't notice yet and very certain that she is not provoking that reaction. But it's very uncomfortable to sit there with her being busy hiding a boner while really wanting to be myself.

This has never happened to me with anyone before. I've had erections when I didn't exactly need them, alright. But not with that kind of regularity and predictability. I'm 25 and I've had one girlfriend before.

I totally see this as a sign that my body agrees with my head/heart on this girl. The thing is that sex really is not my prime interest right now and I would like for her not to get the impression that it is.


So what do I do? Any suggestions? I would so much like to just be with her and be there for her but can't really be there because my head is all about how to make sure I sit in the right position so she won't notice.

Thank you all for reading all this

Mik

Why do you assume she doesn't want sex? It's all very well complimenting yourself for not pushing for sex but what does she want?

I'm not really a fan of men that try to infantalise women, as if women somehow lack to maturity to make a decision whether to have sex or not. To be honest I wouldn't really want to go out with a man that didn't make it very clear in a realtively short time that he found me sexually attractive...

Just don't have this picture in your head that at some stage she's going to announce in a girly voice 'I'm ready now'

As for being unable to control yourself getting hard... I don't know try masturbation maybe?

Hey, thanks a lot for your honest reply. You certainly do have a point. There might actually be some truth in that I kinda want to protect her or something. But:

I realize now that actually I don't want to rush. I am very happy with the way things are right now and I would like to be able to simply enjoy just being with her. I see some real potential there and I see how much we both need each other. Maybe it's really me, who doesn't want to rush (although I'm not afraid of sex). Right now talking, being close and honest and really knowing each other is what counts (to both of us, I am sure). But my body is already a step ahead and that's what makes it really hard for me (pun intended). I can not relax and just be there. I can not concentrate on what she's saying when at the same time all I can think of is "down boy… down…"

(btw. masturbation doesn't help at all)

Sounds like your chemistries are mixing well. That's a good thing. Sorry man, it's a primate reflex. For all you know she's wetting her panties up at the same time. If relieving yourself prior to being with her doesn't help, just try not to be so worried about it.

Like Totty said, she's probably not stupid. If she didn't notice the throbbing lump before you started getting all squirmy, then that probably got her attention. She probably thinks it's cute.

I think it's time for that first kiss. Just keep control of your hands and see where the two of you mutually agree to go. If you don't kiss her, someone else might.

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I wouldn't say that, if a guy can't control himself and gets erections at inappropriate times it's not a good thing.

Also there are better ways to get a girls attention.. By all means if you're making out show her that you're hard and you're aroused but don't just get an obvious hard on when you're across the table from her at dinner.

Believe me, Totty, a guy can't always control his reactions. As HR said, it's a "primate reflex". I said elsewhere that when I was in my early teens and had no idea what sex was, I used to get an erection in the presence of a cousin about my same age. So there was definitely some instinctive thing happening that I had no clue about.

*I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,*
*but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.*

A lot of men are able to keep their instincts under control... the problem is in this case his girlfriend might decide to go looking for one..

I meant it's a good thing that they obvoiusly have chemistry, not that he can't control his bone.


I didn't mean to suggest he use it to get her attention, that would be totally creepy. I meant his efforts to hide it were probably not lost on her.

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Not me, the first time I walked holding hands with my current gf, I got an erection, lucky for me I was wearing baggie pants.

I has another girl lean up against me in a bar and I got hard. She squeezed it , kissed me on the neck, smiled and walked away. It happens if you have a sexual chemistry and you have a high libido.

I think putting hard stops is a bad idea. You don't have to force it either way. If it happens it happens. As was said unless you are tiny, she probably knows about your erections.

It happens if you go out with teenage boys or men that share their level of sexual maturity...

I think she needs to get your point! Like Mae West said, "Is that a pickle on your pocket or are you just glad to see me!" A hard-on is God given blessing! It won't stop, or even interfere with your cuddling! If it does, you other issues to look at.

South American

I had a similar experience when I started dating the woman who is now my wife. All I could do was do my best to hide it (e.g. when we slow danced I didn't press against her and held her more towards my hips). Like you I liked her a lot, but did not want to scare her away. She later told me (after we did start having sex) that she did noticed me being aroused, but liked that I was trying not to let her see it... which made her feel that I liked her not just for sex... which made her start thinking about having sex with me. So in my case it all worked out in the end.

So do your best - if the chemistry is right, she may have already noticed. While in the short run you have have some discomfort, in the long run it way work out better than you think. Good luck!

Most guys have experienced unwanted erections around girls they didn't want to scare away haha.

If she's someone u want to keep and eventually be sexually involved with, I would try this:

Explain to her that u really like her, and that as a woman you're sure she knows what happens to a guy when he's near a woman he likes. That's the approach I used. I basically apologized for it and explained I can't help it.

Now we've been married 2 years and I still get one when we just cuddle and don't do anything sexual haha. She just gives it a squeeze and smiles and rolls her eyes.

Same here Newguy.

We've been together 2 1/2 years now and sometimes it happens when I look at her from across the room. It can get a bit much but it should be seen as a compliment.

I'd rather enjoy it now and not complain when I can't get it in years to come!