Alisa, a few years ago, I was in a similar position to yours. Things between my husband and myself had gotten distant and cold. Neither one of us really seemed to have that burning desire for one another. I still had a pretty strong libido, but he seldom wanted to make love and when we did, it was unsatisfying and boring to me.
I started an online affair with a guy and soon the feelings I had for him made me really want to meet him face to face. Around the same time, I lost a lot of weight and really felt good about myself but my husband still showed no interest in sex and I didn't feel like putting any effort into enticing him to make love. I was too focused on the other man.
I didn't end up meeting my online lover and we parted company. Although he was gone, the feelings he made me feel were still there. I felt sexy, desirable and empowered. Those feelings made me want to fix things with my marriage and I searched for a web site to help me to do that. The first and only site I clicked on was SF. That was 3 1/2 years ago and I'm so very glad I found this place.
Through sharing my story on SF, reading similar stories posted by other members, and getting some fantastic advice, I was able to get stronger and stronger in my sexuality It gave me confidence to approach my husband and tell him I was bored and that things had to change. Luckily, although he wasn't much of a sexual leader, he did follow me on a quest to make our marriage stronger.
During this time, I still had a need to interact with other men online in a sexual manner because it made me feel so good. Once I told my husband about my desire to cyber and he agreed that it was not cheating just masturbation fodder, my libido went into overdrive. Today I have a wonderful virtual lover of 3 years AND a happy husband who is married to a sexual spitfire.
My marriage is stronger than it has ever been because our level of trust, communication, and compatibility has grown. I'm not saying I have a perfect marriage, I still come here to gripe that hubby doesn't put out enough and isn't the dream lover I wish he'd be but, I'm much more at peace and feel optimistic about my future.
It is my sincerest hope that you too, Alisa, find the tools you need to make your marriage work here on SF or from another source. I'd hate to see a marriage destroyed when it can be saved. |