Possible problem

So the last girl i was with, well let's just leave it at I couldn't "perform", it's been like this with a couple before that as well, but if i'm looking at porn or fantasizing i have no problems with getting it up; what should i do about this?

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Search "performance anxiety".

*I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,*
*but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.*

The first thing I would say is relax and chill. Sadly, you can get into a viscous circle, the more you think or worry about it, the more it affects you.

What you have said indicates no physical problem. In other words, it's your head (the one on your shoulders!) thats causing the problem.

From my experience, the deeper the feelings you have for your partner, the more you worry about performing. With a few of my ex girlfriends, my feelings have been that deep for them that I wanted everything to be perfect in my performance. I ended up worrying about things more and ended up thinking too much. This meant that it would take period of time to become adjusted to them and to be relaxed enough to be at my best.

On the other side of the coin, there have been other girls where my feelings havn't run as deep. To quote one of them, I performed like a pornstar the first time we had sex! She also said she couldn't walk properly for a day or two!

It's totally ironic isn't it! The more we feel for a person, the harder it can be to perform.

My advice would be try not to rush things too much. Give her a long soothing massage. This will keep her sweet and help you both to relax. You will then in time become naturally aroused. You can start making that massage more erotic. In time you will be fully aroused, start using whole body to massage. When the time is right, make your move and enjoy!

James
(Brit Northern male)

Performance anxiety, never thought of something like that. Unfortunately it might be a problem, i'm just the kind of guy that worries about stuff like that, i guess I'll just have to find some1 patient enough to help me thru it.

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There's a difference between masturbation and actually fucking a woman.... First off I'd suggest you lay off the porn and stop wanking.....

I'd also suggest you not go to bed again with a woman unless you're 100% certain you're going to be able to get it up..

.

This is a good point. Sex and masturbation are totally different as you are following different rules. For men, masturbation is often fast and furious. That doesn't really help when it omes to making love to a woman.

Reading between the lines, I get the impression he is trying to rush things instead of leaning to walk before running.

James
(Brit Northern male)

To bad i don't look at that much porn, maybe twice a week if that, stop assuming you know my personal life 100% as that is completely ignorant. I know they're different, I'm not retarded, but i had a legit problem and a real question so you can stop while you're ahead of yourself. I'd like to request a post lock if all the rest of the advice i'm going to get are going to be personal attacks.

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If you didn't want people to make assumptions, maybe you could have given some more background, or referred them to your old thread for something to go on. That way they don't assume you have a similar pattern to many others that have come here with their intimacy trouble.

For instance:

Not a bad idea. He doesn't know whether or not you already have.

Sounds like reasonable advice, including that which I cut for the sake of space; No unreasonable assumptions, ignorance or personal attack.

Very frequent with cases of ED, you never told us otherwise.

If he had known of your other thread from two years ago, he may not make the assumption you're rushing. He would have known you've been thinking it out and seeking advice for a long time. But you said in post #1 "...let's just leave it at I couldn't "perform..."

So I don't see the personal attacks and ignorance you claim here. If you ask our advice, you are going to get it from different people with different experiences and viewpoints.

PM me, Dreama or Cowboy Lover if you want your thread re-opened.

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