I knew it was a bad idea when I did it but..

Forgive me if this sounds a little muddled I'm a little bit tippsy as I'm two thirds of the way through a bottle of wine... I stumbled back across this forum just now, I remember posting here a few months ago with not very satisfying results, but I have something on my mind and I fancy giving it another go...

Sooo... a while back my bf did something really nice for me so I did something I hadn't done for a while and asked if there was something new he wanted to try sexually...

My bf is a fucking idiot when it comes to sex... he wasn't very sexually experienced when we got together and a lot of the things he's done in our sex life have just been ... well fucking stupid which is one of the reasons why I stopped asking him to suggest stuff we can do when during sex...

Well this time when I asked him what he decided he wanted to do was for me to use a dildo on him... and he was all excited and I knew he'd been thinking about it for a while... and I just thought this is a stupid fucking idea that's not going to end well...

I'd done it with previous bf's and I'd told him that so he knew I didn't have any moral reason to say no... and I didn't have the heart to say "look every time you ask to do something it ends up badly"...

He is a pretty good lover... considerate, athletic and dominant when he finally took the hint.. but it's just the more adventurous side of things he's not good at..

So I said fine and I decided I'd do it there onn then...

It actually went pretty well... he was doing better than the other guys I'd done it to on their first attempt... up untill he ejaculated which for some reason freaked him out...

So he goes all quite and I give him a bit of a cuddle.... and then after 10 mins or so I get him hard again... This would have been his queue to take charge, fuck me into the middle of next week and show me who's boss... which is what other guys have done...

But instead he just kind of got all pettish and lay there... It was the same the next morning and it lasted for a few days... he didn't seem to have any energy when he was fucking me...

So a few days later he asked me to do it again and I just said no fucking way... Which resulted in a week long charm offensive untill I agreeed to do it...

He wasn't as bad the second time... but as far as I'm concerned he fucks me not the other way round... any other guy I've ever done it to has been really keen to revert to that dynamic as soon as I've finished ... so I'm not really happy fucking up our sex life just because he wants to take it up the bum...

Please excuse any typo's or general incoherence... I tried to proof read by my eyes are struggling to focus..

I read through your previous threads after I read this one. It seems to me you are very hard on him. Seems like no matter what he does it pisses you off and makes you think he's an idiot. Do you love him or hate him? It's kind of hard to tell by the way you write about the poor bastard.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

For myself most of my sexual experiences are spread over 10 or so years... for my bf most of his have happened in the last year or so...I mean the first time someone deep throated him, the first time he had anal sex (both ways) first threesome(which through careful planning on my part actually went quite well), some light bondage and rough sex...

And he's kind of handled this surge in sexual experience in a kind of strange way... instead of thinking about it when he's fucking me he just switches off and kind of goes onto auto pilot.. even last week I caught him fingering my bum during regular sex which is something that I've shouted and screamed at him not to do... but he just doesn't think about it...

Also he still struggles to understand how physically demanding a lot of the sex is for me... He didn't understand for ages that the pleasant feeling he got when I sucked him off was me actually gagging myself on his cock... or that if he pounds me for ages at a certain stage I am actually going to get sore, he also didn't get that my telling him he has a large cock isn't just my bigging up his ego but a way of telling him to be careful when he's fucking me and that anal sex might be bit more demanding for me...

He is a good lover... he's made a big effort to look after his body he's physically well built he's got loads of stanima and I get more sex than I can handle... but I just think he's got some mental block about sex, or he just didn't learn when he first started having sex how to actually understand what's involved for the woman when he's fucking her...

Part of it is he's only had two gf's both of whom limited him sexually (not that I really blame him) and now that I took the breaks off he's just exploded...

All of this stuff I'm saying about him is limited to our sex life... I wouldn't put up with as much hassle as I have if I didn't love the man...

So I don't think describing him as a poor bastard is really accurate...

Well, I agree with CL. Calling him a 'fucking idiot' when it comes to his ideas about what he likes in sex doesn't help your ' I love him' case. Anyway, it just sounds like there is a communication failure. You can't expect him to infer what you like by hinting, nor can you call all of his ideas in sex stupid. If you're gagging on his cock, or get sore, just straight up tell him. If you feel that he is being too soft on you in the bedroom after male penetration, just say it.

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

He does know I love him, I find various ways to show it to him but some of the things he does are fucking stupid, his stupidity is pretty much confined to sex but still it's stupidity all the same..

As for the communication... I actually got a ruler measured his cock and put the ruler against me so he actually understands what's involved in him fucking me... even after that he'll still sometimes get carried away...

As for me bumming him... it's a personal act for both of us and it changes the whole power dynamic... I think I do my part pretty well afterwards I get him hard and he should be raring to go to start being the man again... Instead he just seems to want to lie there like a fanny... With previous guys that I've bummed as soon as I'm finished they start to pound me senseless just to get the whole gender roles back to normal...

The sex is just all over the place... sometimes it can be absolutly mind blowing but it's just I've got stung so many times when we've introduced new things into our sex life... and it always seems to be me that has to take charge, which can get a bit tiresome...

First of all, unless you tell him directly, 'this hurts' using a ruler as some sort of lesson really isn't communication.

Second, your views on gender roles and what you think men 'should' be are disturbing to me. I mean, you're making fun of the man. He is who he is, and he may not like being the dominant one every time. Why do men have to overcompensate for having been in the submissive role for a session? I don't think that's a very fair standard, as every man is different, and you can't mold this guy into the rough and tumble dude you think he should be if he doesn't want to be at that moment. Maybe you should actually directly speak with him about your concerns. Tell him you'd like it if he could sometimes be more dominant. He shouldn't be forced into a certain gender role, but I bet if you asked him to compromise, he might try to meet you halfway. He's a man, no matter what power role he's taken in sex, and I think it rude and insensitive to call him d emasculating names, like 'fanny'.

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Keep in mind that the OP is most likely British, and over in the UK calling someone a fucking idiot is considered kind and affectionate.

Maybe, even when I started hitting him with the ruler he just took it as a new form of foreplay..

If he is new to all these experiences that you are so used to perhaps you should ask him for more guidance, involvement in the decision making process of these new things he is trying. Communication at every step of the way perhaps. Once you find something that particularly tickles his fancy then you can both go hell for leather.
As for your past lovers,I would forget them and what they were like, and concentrate on the new dynamic.

What Matters Most Is How Well You Walk Through The Fire. Bukowski

Why do I need guidance from him? ... as for finding something that tickles his fancy apparantly getting a dildo up the bum is tickling it just fine (or prostate)...

I actually hammered the point home last night... I point blank told him to stop lying there like a fanny and to fuck me... He pretty much fucked me senseless, for all his clumsiness he is like a maching and can just go for ages... he wanted to fuck me up the bum but because he was so fired up I didn't want to risk him getting carried away... Which he has in the past

He wanted a bit of a cuddle afterwards which was nice, he does get all gooey sometimes which is something I like about him...

I just wasn't prepared to let the relationship evolve into anything other that a traditional male / female dynamic... he's the man end of the story... if he wants me to use a dildo on him I will but he'd better not leave me doubting that he's the man in the relatioinship...

Wow... you come off as REALLY mean to him. You call him names, and talk about things that he wants to do sexually as if they're weird. If you truly love him as you say you do, then treat him that way... with understanding that maybe he has some sexual fantasies that aren't completely "normal". Everyone likes different things. How would you feel if he thought that "fucking you like a machine" was weird since you seem to like that, and was posting about you on a message board calling you names and saying you're stupid and things like that.

That's pretty horrible stuff to say about someone you love when clearly the two of you just aren't communicating enough about what you both like and don't like sexually without getting carried away or defensive.

What was the point with the ruler? Were you implying that he was ramming you too deeply? I'm confused especially with regards to you complaining about him not being man enough. It seems to me from what I'm reading here is that the poor fellow is damned so matter what he does.

what I was trying to 'communicate' was that he does actually have a big cock, and I was trying to make him understand what happens when he he hammers my cervix with it...

I gathered that bit but I'm not getting why you also think he's too wimpy while complaining he's hurts you.

He hurts me because he can be clumsy and doesn't get what's actally involved of shoving a pretty large cock, into a woman half his size...