I'm so Lost and need help

Alright you get the full story so that you can best understand and maybe give me some advice. I've been dating my girlfriend for about six months now and she still hasn't orgasmed. I will not accept that, I've been with a fair share of woman and never had this problem. And she told me right off the bat that shes never had one with anyone. The sex for us is great, I mean I do my part very well and she does hers...we always have a great time and are constantly trying new positions and what not to get her to cum. To be honest I'm starting to get really bothered by it, it makes me feel like shit when she doesn't and I do nearly every time. And the only times I don't is when it really gets to me and I just feel horrible. She doesn't know why she cant and cant offer me much of a solution, shes really good about telling me what she likes and what feels good.

I'm going to tell you a little about her. She is 21 and we are both very sexually active, shes on birth control, and has no problem getting wet, she actually gets turned on as much as I do and thats like every ten minutes when were around each other. She has had Endometriosis, and had some tissue removed via laser surgery, her clitoris is fine and her g-spot works and she can feel me inside, I'm not a small guy.

Now heres where I get confused, almost every time we have sex she gets this weird feeling that comes and then goes. Its not an orgasm, I know what much and she cant explain what it feels like. She says it feels good, but it feels really weird. It usually happens when she's on top or when were in missionary and she has to stop herself or me. But at the same time she wants to keep going. She says she has to stop because it get really really really sensitive. I think its the beginning stages of a orgasm. But I wouldn't know, I don't have a vagina thankfully

Now heres what we have tried. I have tried various fingering techniques from all over the place and we have found one that she loves but doesn't make her come. I have tried various oral techniques that we have also found a few that she likes, but don't make her come. And I've also done both at the same time. Were trying toys, but to be honest with you I want to make her come without those. I done limitless things to put us in the mood candles, massages, role play, dress up, in public, places like the kitchen table and many more. She doesn't masturbate, which I've begged her to do just once just so she can get a feel for her body but she wont do that. We've even tried anal.


I refuse to accept that she cant orgasm. I love her and want her to experience that with me. She is so good to me on all aspects including sexually. She loves it when I come deep inside her and I just want to feel the same when she comes. Someone out there has to have a solution, I'm not giving up. I will do this if its the last thing I do.

Welcome to SF, you've come to the right place for pointers, although, I don't think you are going to like what I have to say.

If you can't get her off and she refuses to try to get herself off, it's a lost cause, especially if you refuse to try toys. She needs a decent vibe and some time alone. She should be responsible for her own orgasm, NOT you. Really, at the age of 21, she should have an intimate relationship with her genitailia.

It's that plain and simple.

All you can do is try to encourage her to explore her body on her own, maybe even buy her a nice vibe and let her have at it when you aren't around so she doesn't feel pressured to go off.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Well then maybe you can help me with this. She wont masturbate because she thinks its gross how do I get her over that my friend?

Discuss why she would think so perhaps? The body is natural as is the want to explore it. There is nothing gross about it. The key to all issues is communication.

"As soon as I had seen her, I was lost. For Beauty's wound is sharper than any weapon's, and it runs through the eyes down to the soul. It is through the eye that love's wound passes, and I now became a prey to a host of emotions..."

Hmm, she thinks masturation is "gross" yet she doesn't mind if you go down on her, finger her, or fuck her. I don't get it.

I'm sorry, but I don't think I can help you with her issue. I've been masturbating to orgasm since I was 6, so it's hard for me to wrap my head around a 21 old "woman" who refuses to make self-love.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

I agree with Cowboy Lover, she needs to get herself a good vibrator, conjure up a good fantasy and experiment by herself. Once she's trained her body to orgasm alone, she can then learn to do it in your company. It is a strange notion that some women feel masturbation is dirty, especially in these modern times.

I was married to a girl who never orgasmed until about 4 years into our marriage. She got into hard drugs shortly after that and we divorced. I had dated one of her friends from back in the 7th grade before I met my ex. I ran into my ex's friend one night and she told me that my ex's dad had molested her as a child. That explained so much. Someone once said the head is the most important sex organ, or words to that effect. It sounds to me like your girl has issues about how she really feels about sex. Like CL says, it's her responsibility, not yours. You aren't responsible for what's going on in her head. I'm not saying she has to have been sexually abused, but I think there's something up with her attitude toward sex. Good luck.

Hitachi Magic Wand.

x2 on the fact that she needs to figure it out by herself, on the other hand the first time my wife squirted was b/c i would rub her pussy hard and fast and when she thought she had enough i would keep rubbin and now she can squirt way easier and she loves it.

It's almost definitely a mental block, not something you are/aren't doing.

She'll have to learn to give herself an orgasm before she'll overcome this affliction.

A lifetime with no orgasms is way grosser than masturbation, surely in anyones opinion.

*shudders*

I hate to break it to you but this is unfortunately a lot more common than you think. Most women cannot orgasm through penetration alone and many women cannot orgasm at all. It has nothing at all to do with your performance. You need to get over the notion that it's somehow your responsibility to make your girlfriend come and it's your fault when she doesn't. I don't know why you feel so bad when she's admitted that she's never had an orgasm with anyone. This should tell you something. It's not you: it's her.

Seriously, if you've tried anal and she thinks masturbation is gross then I don't know what to tell you. It basically comes down to her refusing to have an orgasm. If she won't masturbate and can't/won't come then it's not your problem. If she seems to be enjoying it anyway then that should be enough.

Agree with above. If I hadn't have masturbated before I started having sex I would never have figured out what makes me orgasm. I cannot orgasm with penetration alone, or cunnilingus alone. I can only orgasm if he rubs my clitoris quite hard and fast. I would never have figured that out if it wasn't for masturbation.

I'm another girl who hasn't cum with a guy... I put it down to not being confortable enough with one yet... Also being (all about the guys pleasure) doesn't help me much I suppose...

Try reading The Big O... it's an excellent book I'm reading all about the orgasm and how to get a girl to cum, and other tips... P.S has she achieved orgasm on her own...? and if she isn't TOO bothered about not getting there yet don't beat yourself up, it's good your trying and eventually she will, but being too bothered by it will make her self concious that she hasn't which will become a barrier and stop her even more.

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

Oh I never noticed the masterbation thing... can she possible try infront of herself... again make her read the big o... haha i know i've said that but it's reallly good. I have hang-ups about masterbation coz of a religious background, it makes me feel wrong and it makes a lot of women wrong weirdly enough (surveys been done) so... maybe it's something she needs to get over slowly. Don't force it...

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

I hear this all the time yet there is NOTHING biblical that says that masturbation is a sin.

*I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,*
*but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.*