Good pillow talk, bad pillow talk?

I'm finding it hard to get my girl to orgasm (we've only did it twice) through either oral or her fav. position (on top). Each time she moans heavily, heaves, and then slows down, and I ask her "did you cum?". She says no. Later she says that maybe she's having female version of stage fright, where she feels like she has to cum. Is this bad pillow talk? Should I avoid questions like this altogether? I don't know how else to tell if she came.

Also, what else is bad pillow talk that I should avoid? (besides the obvious stuff like "did you gain some weight?" )

The goal should be to get her to ejaculate, and if you can't tell, then she probably hasn't. She'll be significantly wetter.

It's only a bad idea to ask if she's cummed if you have every intention of letting her leave the bedroom without her cumming.

Personally, I can't stand chatterboxes. I'm too worn out.

Sorry, I don't understand this. Can you rephrase?

Most women can orgasm, a few can ejaculate too. You goal should be to get her to orgasm, more than once if possible. If you can get her to squirt that's a bonus, but most women don't ejaculate, so don't feel badly if she doesn't. I had a girlfriend who was a squirter and had no idea that not all women squirted. In my experience the vast majority don't. Try different positions and techniques and you'll have her cumming, just be patient.

If my wife has an orgasm, her mouth tastes like she just ate an ice cube. So I'm pretty lucky in that if I can't actually feel if she had one, or tell by other clues, I can tell by kissing her. Some women are like this and some aren't. Your girl may get a cold mouth or she may not... the only way to know is to check and see.

I've never known a woman not to raise her hips off the bed and squirm, thrash, moan etc, when she has an oral orgasm, or G-spot orgasm (using my fingers). So it is usually easy to tell in this sense. Obviously you can always have a few who will fake it, but they are only cheating themselves.

When you give a woman an orgasm through intercourse, you can feel her vagina contract and spasm. Sometimes I have had to stop thrusting inside my wife because her contractions have almost pushed me out. Other times they are faint, like a pulsing heartbeat.

You learn all of these feelings over time with your partner. It is simply something that takes time.

I see - those are good signs to look out for. But what I meant was, is it rude or a turn off to just ask her if she had one?

I guess it just depends on her own personality.

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I don't think it is rude to ask her if she had an orgasm. In a new relationship, it is pretty natural to ask.

After you have been together for awhile, she might get annoyed if you keep asking, however. I haven't asked my wife in years if she had one, and I think most guys in a LTR would probably say the same.

I think a woman you have been with for years kinds of expects you to know her body well enough that you don't have to ask...

I wouldn't be offended if a man asked if I'd orgasmed.

From what I gather, there would be no doubt if you'd had one.

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if you're asking each time you have sex then it may be putting added pressure on her to feel like she "has" to orgasm

just focus on giving her pleasure, maybe change things up a bit, take control (if she's into that) & try different positions

focus less on the actual orgasm & more on just HER, i'm lucky in the fact that a slight breeze can pretty much make me cum lol but some women have problems with it, doesn't mean the sex isn't enjoyable though

the less pressure you put on yourself (to give her an orgasm) & on her (to have an orgasm) the more likely you are to eventually reach that goal