criticising her.

Barbwire · 11-23-09

Sometimes I love it when I'm wrong.

I'm sorry for jumping on your case earlier, but your intial post really pissed me off. I'm one of those women that has battled her weight since she was a teenager and have had boyfriends say some really hurtful things to me regarding my size. I never had the confidence to say anything to them about it at the time and I wish I had. I guess the pain and resentment came back in a flood when I read you post and it overwhelmed me so I attacked you. Again, I'm sorry for that.

Keep up the good work and tell us how things progress from here.

heelfetish · 11-23-09

Quote:

Originally Posted by bakerloo

Hi guys, thanks for all those messages, I appreciate every one, whether they're catty or kind your honest reactions are what its all about. We have had a talk, which was very painful, but it seems like we're back on track. The communication thing is absolutely key - I mean, the reason I made such snide, hit-and-run style comments was because I feared open honesty, and the tears it would inevitably bring for us. It was both cowardly and counterproductive. Having talked, I realised being aggressive was no way to influence her body shape, since firstly I'm not by her side 24/7, and secondly because that really would be a sucky thing to do. I agreed to shut (*the fuck*) up, and she... didn't really say anything, but has started making small changes.

I'm beginning to understand how hellish it must be to be a woman these days, surrounded by Vogue and Tatler and all these bloody magazines, screaming at you to starve like an ethiopian to look good. If you're not naturally thin, life is a constant, aching struggle. "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" - Kate Moss said recently. It's horrifying to think of what that means for people's lives; seeing the person for their own inner beauty is obviously the only way forward in a relationship, since beauty fades, and hunger hurts. I'm trying to look to inner beauty much more now, so thanks very much for all of your pointers, it's been a real success so far.

Glad to see you back on the right track, bakerloo.

Dreama · 11-23-09

Quote:

Originally Posted by bakerloo

Hi guys, thanks for all those messages, I appreciate every one, whether they're catty or kind your honest reactions are what its all about. We have had a talk, which was very painful, but it seems like we're back on track. The communication thing is absolutely key - I mean, the reason I made such snide, hit-and-run style comments was because I feared open honesty, and the tears it would inevitably bring for us. It was both cowardly and counterproductive. Having talked, I realised being aggressive was no way to influence her body shape, since firstly I'm not by her side 24/7, and secondly because that really would be a sucky thing to do. I agreed to shut (*the fuck*) up, and she... didn't really say anything, but has started making small changes.

I'm beginning to understand how hellish it must be to be a woman these days, surrounded by Vogue and Tatler and all these bloody magazines, screaming at you to starve like an ethiopian to look good. If you're not naturally thin, life is a constant, aching struggle. "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" - Kate Moss said recently. It's horrifying to think of what that means for people's lives; seeing the person for their own inner beauty is obviously the only way forward in a relationship, since beauty fades, and hunger hurts. I'm trying to look to inner beauty much more now, so thanks very much for all of your pointers, it's been a real success so far.

Dude-you absolutely rock. Good for you. You seem to be an intelligent, caring person. We all mess up-and to know that you're actually communicating instead of recklessly hurting her feelings is awesome. If you need anything, I'm sure all of us would be willing to help. As you can see, we're all passionate people. I am glad we've not chased you away with our opinions. But, wow. You seem to really understand what us girls go through sometimes. My weight has always been a struggle-and to know that you're being compassionate, it truly makes me a little teary eyed. Keep up the awesome work, and I'm so happy that your relationship is back on track.

bakerloo · 11-24-09

Yeah, honesty is always the best policy, I can see that now, but damn it is hard breaking through the pain barrier and actually doing it. About body politics and women, glad to have cheered you dreama. There are intelligent men out there, it's just with the kids (ie me) growing up with internet porn throughout their adolescence, I think many young men are going to find it hard these days to understand that loving someone doesn't depend on them looking and fucking like Jenna Jameson. It's about soul, what's on the inside - something porn will never be able to depict. See y'all around, I'm sure I'll be on these boards in the future.

yorkiesmurf · 11-28-09

If your relationship is based solely on sex then in time the relationship will end due to the fact there is nothing allowing for the relationship to grow. Obviously your comments have totally devistated your girlfriend. This leaves you with the decision to change or leave. Should you feel you cannot say supporting or caring things towards while stopping your offensive comments towards her then you are better off leaving her.

Trond · 11-29-09

Hi bakerloo! Most men (like myself) like good-looking women. Women have their own (and just-as-impossible) expectations, so just ignore the "shallow men" kind of remarks.

I see your problem, and I think you have given people a taste of how brutally honest you can be, both to yourself and your gal. You may already be on to this but here goes: have you tried really complimenting her when she does put on something sexy (or at least something slightly better than usual?).

I also tend to be quite honest with my wife, but I have learned to be slightly careful about the negative remarks, and leaning towards emphasizing the good things. If she doesn't look that great, try something like: "It is an ok top, but the red one really brings out your nice curves!".

criticising her.

Sometimes I love it when I'm wrong. I'm sorry for jumping on your case earlier, but your intial post really pissed me off. I'm one of those women that has battled her weight since she