Thanks, ladies, but unfortunately it took me awhile to figure this all out.

I wish I could tell him there is an easy solution, but there really isn't it. Something like this takes a whole lot of time and patience.

Almost any guy will tell you that a lot of our ego is based on sex and having it often. So it is a very difficult thing to put your ego aside and also understand that you can't control what your wife/gf does.

You can only control what you do. If you can put your ego aside and accept "no" just means, "not right now" and not "I don't want you"... it does make a world of difference.

SWC, don't assume your wife is a mind reader. You need to show your wife the things you want her to do to you. Guide her for awhile, then let her know how much you wish she would do those things on her own. When she does finally do things on her own, let her know how great it felt and give her a lot of positive feedback... even during the act.

You said she turned 30 and doesn't feel good about it. So shower her with compliments and affection. Make her feel sexy and loved. Compliment her when you are out.. whisper something sexy in her ear that you love about her. Make it something unique you have never told her before.

Many times I'll just say what's on my mind... the other day she bent over to get some cereal at the grocery store and I walked up behind her and said I loved the view, then pressed myself into her and asked if she wanted to hump right there...

Sometimes I talk dirty like that to her, other times I will compliment what she is wearing.. or something she does that is sexy to me. My one rule is if I think it, I say it. If it's dirty or nice, I just say it (as long as it is positive). Other times I walk up behind her when we are out and massage her ass or rub her clit through her pants... even if we are in the store. I make sure it doesn't look crude and I'm subtle about it... others may not know what I'm doing, but she and I do...