I'll tackle the masturbation feeling versus sex horniness feeling. I can relate somewhat to where he might be coming from for the feeling. I love masturbating while watching porn and my gf is cool with it, she even wants to join in sometimes haha. Anyway, as I am only a young adult and i have only been having steady sex for over a year with my gf, I have spent more time masturbating versus sex. Honestly, I fully enjoy the times where I can be by myself masturbating because I'm more used to it and I feel a sense of the good old days when I do it.

Lately due to stress and school worries among other things, my sexual drive to have sex have dropped but my masturbation hasn't. I don't treat my gf like a douche and we still have sex when we both are into it.

So maybe its just something he does and feels is his safe zone, or maybe he is just a really really bad SO.