I also have to make sure to keep the damn TV off. When the TV is on playing an episode of a TV show I saw before, it's hard to concentrate when you know what the next line will be. That's what happened last time.

It just sucks because it will be very hard to control my mind from wandering. But next time I think we just need to kind of switch off a little sooner on what we're doing. I'm one of those guys who just likes to take control at the beginning and really sass her up a bit, so I'm thinking we just need to get a mutual thing going on sooner than later, at least until I can focus more.

One thing I've been trying to do is work with this on my own time. This week that time of the month so intimacy is pretty much non existent this week, plus we each have conflicting work schedules, so I've been trying to do something solo... where I would actually think about it in a negative way while masturbating intentionally, so that way I can learn the feelings of it and learn how to focus. So far since I've posted this, I feel better. Each time I'm done masturbating I feel more and more confident, but ultimately next time we'll just have to keep the TV off and keep my eyes (and ears) focused on her.

I really think that was a large part of it, and once it went down my self esteem just kind of got shot to shit. Not cause of her. She was very supportive. But damn, I just felt blah.

We'll see how it goes next time...