GUYS: Sex and masturbation???? Help needed

So my sex life with my boyfriend of about 3 years has been pretty much non existent. So far I'm lucky to get sex twice a month from him but will walk in on him masturbating much more than that. I've told him that I don't really care about him masturbating as long as he doesn't try to hide it and as long as he doesn't forget about me. Well he seems to of forgotten about me a very LONG time ago.

Before I used to try and initiate sex but he'd only turn me down which would really hurt because I know I'd never reject him. So I stopped trying to initiate sex because the rejection was just getting to be too much all the while his masturbation habits never changed. I'd be in the next room and instead of asking me for sex, let alone a blow job, he'd just masturbate.

This of course would make me angry and if I approached him about it he would just get really upset and he'd start hiding his porn and stuff again. The only reason I said I was cool with him masturbating openly was because I was hoping he would be more open to asking me. That didn't work.

He's given me many reasons why he doesn't want to have sex. Here are some of the main ones.

1) He can never get me off.

- I've explained to him that he has to work at it and be willing to do certain stuff to me. The only time he's ever got me off without the aid of a toy is when he went down on me once. He absolutely will not do it again. He said I tasted bad. That was a real low blow to my self esteem and told him that he doesn't taste good either but I do it because I love him and it makes him feel good. He hasn't wanted to try again since.

2) It's messy.

- It's not like he's got a bunch of lube inside his vagina, all he has to do is grab a towel and wipe himself off. Or if he would get me wet enough maybe we wouldn't need lube but he never wants to try and get me off.

3) I'm mad all the time/"I never want sex"

- I told him that if he would just have sex with me maybe i wouldn't be so mad all the time. BUT I absolutely hate having to bring up the topic of me not getting "any" because It makes me feel pathetic but it seems that's the only time he suddenly wants to have sex. I want him to WANT to have sex with me without me having to come crawling to him. I normally refuse at this point because my self esteem is usually shot when I have to remind him to screw me once in a while.

4) Sex is defferent from mastubation.

- The most recent excuse is that the urge to masturbate is different than the urge to have sex. He guesses he has a low sex drive but I've called him on that by saying that if he has a low sex drive he wouldn't be feeling the need to masturbate. He tells me that the feeling is different... and I thought that being horny just meant that you were horny. I'm mean when I masturbate all i'm thinking is "I wish I were having sex." But I suppose now that there are different levels or hornyness (word??).

!! GUYS: I'm confused, are there different types of "horny". Do you have to be a certain kind of horny to want to have sex with your girlfriend?


I'm seriously at the end of line now. I've had it with the bullshit and would appreciate any helpful answers!

(Mrs) Hunny, it seems like maybe you and your guy need to sit down and have a long ass chat,
ive read some of your other posts and it seems like your having one problem after another with this guy ?

See Mr S watches porn, and to be honest at the start it bugged me, because i felt that he didnt want me, but then when we talked it over and he explained why he did it so much i wasnt so bothered, and even once in a while he involves me

Like ive said before relationships are all about give and take, if he says you taste bad down there ? Why dont you jump in the shower, drag him in with you and you can shower together, its a good experience for both and you will both be nice and clean so then there is no excuses is there ?

I think its pretty nasty that he said it to be honest even if it was the heat of the moment shit has the guy not heard of being subtle ?

Maybe you guys arent sexually compatible, im not trying to be negative here, but with everything you seem to be going through with him, i think you both need to sit down and talk about what you both want ?

If he wont initiate sex, and your scared of initiating it now, why dont you have a little play sometime and let him watch it might get him in the mood and then you can play together.

Relationships arent all about sex, but im sure everyone would agree its a big part of it, and sometimes u just need to give the guy a push in the right direction,
if your not happy with it ? tell him because its the only way your gonna get anywhere with it, instead of keeping it bottled up, sit down calmly and explain your not happy with the constant excuses and the fact he is busting your self confidence, a partner should make you happy, and confident, you should feel completely relaxed and natural with them, and if they care about you then you should be able to talk about anything with them, wether its sexual or otherwise.

hope this helps a little

(Mrs) i guess all im trying to say really is, relationships take work sometimes and if you care enough to work at it then ur on the right track.

To me, horny is horny. But never has masturbation been preferred over partnered sex.

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. -J. Edgar Hoover

This guy seems to have some problems. Could you guys get some counseling together?

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

(Mrs) certainly sounds like they need it dont it ?

Yeah, I don't think any of us are really qualified to dig into this complicated problem. Sorry, A, but we might make things more complex if we start addressing all of your points. But we'll try if you can't get some counseling. If you do get it, then we should definitely butt out.

As for my opinion, he sounds selfish, and the easiest thing for a selfish person to do is be lazy when it comes to another person's needs. For some reason he must prefer sex with himself, but that does not mean you are any less than a smart and sexual woman. And resourceful too, else you wouldn't have come here on your own seeking help. That can be another talking point to take to a counselor.

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What HR said. You DO seem like a very intelligent and sexual woman (the best combination there is) whereas your boyfriend really seems like a selfish lazy bugger. Such behaviour speaks not of a true relationship but rather one side using the other. I would think that a talk might be in order, but be careful - if confronted, lazy-ass jerks find all sorts of justifications for their inaction and, in fact, are very good at it when pushed. Good luck, hope this problem of yours finds a solution, one way or the other.

I'll tackle the masturbation feeling versus sex horniness feeling. I can relate somewhat to where he might be coming from for the feeling. I love masturbating while watching porn and my gf is cool with it, she even wants to join in sometimes haha. Anyway, as I am only a young adult and i have only been having steady sex for over a year with my gf, I have spent more time masturbating versus sex. Honestly, I fully enjoy the times where I can be by myself masturbating because I'm more used to it and I feel a sense of the good old days when I do it.

Lately due to stress and school worries among other things, my sexual drive to have sex have dropped but my masturbation hasn't. I don't treat my gf like a douche and we still have sex when we both are into it.

So maybe its just something he does and feels is his safe zone, or maybe he is just a really really bad SO.

Fuck seeing a counselor. I'd lose this douchebag now. He sounds like a self-centered, childish, uncaring, prick.