Crazy, embarrassing problem. Any ideas?

So I have a girlfriend for the first time ever. It's great. She's awesome and beautiful and we're doing well. It's fantastic. Among other things, I'm having sex for the first time ever. It's so much fun. But I think I have some sort of cruel and unusual psychological problem.

Intercourse kills my erection! Let me repeat that. We start fooling around, we both get warmed up and ready to go. She's wet and I'm hard. Then we start. And just like that, my erection starts to fade until I'm completely limp. This is during the freaking intercourse!

What the flying hell?

I don't blame you for thinking to yourselves "Maybe you're homosexual and don't realize it?". Over the years, I've seriously and honestly considered it. But I have determined that I'm certainly straight. I'm almost completely a zero on the Kinsey scale.

So I suspect it's something else causing it. Over the past decade of being sexually active, but without a partner, I've spent alot of time masturbating. The first thing I noticed as I was in the middle of losing my virginity one night a month ago was that it didn't feel as physically good as I thought it would.

Don't get me wrong, sex overall is far more enjoyable! Far, far more! But I think I've become so accustomed to the way masturbation feels, and I've become so good at it, that the real thing doesn't seem to stimulate enough to feel as good.

I don't like this problem. What can I do?

This seems to be about the 100th time this question has been asked in the last month.

I'll say it once more, lay off the pud pulling. There's no way in hell a pussy can grasp a dick like a hand can. You've basically trained your cock to need a LOT of pressure to cum. Now, you need to train it to get off from a light touch.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Oh man. This is going to be difficult.

Yep, you've been careless with your drewski for too long now.

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Well this problem also pops up during oral sex and handjobs. If I were to have known this, I might have spent my teenage years doing something else.

Hmph.

EDIT: needless to say, I'm spending alot more time doing things for her than she is for me. Maybe that's a silver lining.

As long as you have no hair on your palms, I suspect everything will be all right.

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First off just relax bro, you are normal. I went through the same thing and this should help with both of your concerns...

When I first started having sex, I would get a huge hard on while my g/f and I were fooling around... just feeling how wet she was made my dick break out of my pants I got so hard ...

Then as soon as she climbed on top of me and tried to put me in her, I went limp as a noodle... like within 2 seconds literally...

This went on for a week or so (it's been awhile so it may have been longer)... sometimes she could ride me a little, but I was only semi-hard and it wasn't doing much for either of us, but she went along with it. Then one night she got frustrated and said she can't have sex with me if I can't get hard and obviously she doesn't turn me on....

I tried to explain it wasn't her (she was amazing, sexy, incredible, etc)... she went upstairs to the bathroom and came down and hugged me and said "I'm gonna call you Mr. Floppy"

I was pissed off and kind of pushed her away... she apologized but it stuck in my mind for awhile... so every time we tried to have sex I was thinking about trying to stay hard and that is a sure way to go limp...

I talked to my best friend who had slept with tons of girls and asked him what to do.. he said it happened to him to the first time also... that all I had to do was to keep kissing her and concentrate on how wet and soft her mouth felt... to basically stay focused on what was feeling good and not on staying hard...

So I tried it and it worked like a charm... she climbed on top of me and I kept kissing her... I told her before hand to just keep kissing me then put me in her when I wasn't paying attention..

She did what I said and slipped me into her... the difference between sex when you are semi-hard and sporting a full hard on is like night and day... she felt so good that it was easy as hell to keep my hard on.... I could literally feel her pussy pulsating and squeezing around my dick... which I wasn't feeling before when I wasn't fully hard... she literally started to scream and curse and told me how incredible I felt (which helped even more obviously) and she and I cummed in like 2-3 minutes.

After that it was pretty easy for me...

Just try to stop worrying about keeping your hard on, the more you think about it, the harder it will be to stay erect... focus on every little sensation and relax... it's the only way you will be able to keep the sails flying...

And as I said, when you have a full hard on, the feeling of a pussy is 10x better than masturbation... it is a more subtle feeling, but something your hand can never imitate.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. You especially, fliteskates. I'm a little relieved to hear it happens now and then, and most of all that it can be overcome.

Though I can't help but think that I should never again masturbate. I don't know how else to do it other than the way I have been doing it all these years, and look what that's done to me!

I would just die if any girl gave me a "playful" nickname like Mr Floppy. This can't happen any more.

One more thought: There are/were anti-masturbation advocates out there in the world. They'd give all these ridiculous and untrue medical reasons not to do it. Today, we all laugh at these old claims. But why the hell did I never hear anyone use this very real desensitization issue as an argument? It would have convinced me to cut back a bit!

Read again what Cowboylover said. I'm not saying stop MB'ing altogether but when you do do it, use a light touch and don;t try and get off as soon as you can. Your problem reeks of performance anxiety, especially since you are new to real sex.

*I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,*
*but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.*

Ya it hurt, but I was able to overcome it and if I could do it so can you... I literally would think in my head during foreplay... don't turn in to Mr. Floppy!!

Now that I am experienced it makes me laugh... even when you are experienced, you will have a few occasions when you can't get it up... but I laugh it off now because I know so many other ways to make a woman cum without using my dick.

Once you gain that experience, it gives you confidence to laugh everything off during sex and not take things so hard (pun intended).

This may get a little long, but hang in there and read it all because I think it will really help you out a lot...

There is no reason to stop the self-loving... so many times guys who are new to sex and have erection problems, always think that sex is good, but not what they hoped, etc. The problem is you have to be fully hard to get the real sensation of sex...

You aren't getting hard enough to really feel her... trust me. Once you get control of your nerves, you will be sporting the kind of hard ons she can't wait to sit on.

When you have a full hard on, the sensation of sex will change dramatically. You will also learn to get into a rhythm when you stroke that enhances the feeling. There are ways to move yourself inside her so that it feels good, but won't make you cum right away... and there are ways to move yourself inside her so that you cum in a minute or less... it's all about learning what feels good to you and finding your own rhythm.

The biggest thing you need to learn about sex is to tease a woman and keep her guessing... this is where control and imagination need to be combined...

You want to tease her with your strokes...Change up the depth of your strokes... go shallow... barely sticking the head of your dick inside her and just poke around slightly inside of her... then do a really deep stroke hard and fast... then go back to really shallow strokes.. etc etc... or move your dick in a circle when you are thrusting.. just find ways to tease her... the anticipation of each stroke will drive her nuts because she doesn't know what you are going to do next...

The best way I ever found for teasing a woman is to get her in doggystyle and let her control the action... she will basically be using your dick like a dildo... you just kneel there and let her do her thing... she will get herself pretty worked up doing this... it takes a lot of control because it feels amazing and you just want to grab her hips and go to town... but don't do it...

After a few minutes put your hands on her ass and stop her from pushing into your dick... let her just get far enough so she can feel the head of your dick pushing agt. her pussy... she will try her best to push her way back onto your dick, but don't let her.... pull your dick back and start to kiss her ass and give her a little oral sex... then put yourself inside her and give her a stroke or two and pull out again... go back to kissing her ass... then pretend like you are going to penetrate her... put your dick agt. her pussy lips and let it go slightly inside... then pull out and go back to kissing her ass... keep teasing her like this until she can't take anymore then go to town and make her cum... this usually gets most girls dripping wet... if you are with a girl who doesn't like to be teased that way, then obviously don't do it... but I doubt you'll get many complaints...

In the end. sex is all about self control, imagination and experimentation... it isn't rocket surgery.

As others said, you might be masturbating too much.

Try going for like a week without even thinking about sex (Make sure your GF knows why you're doing it) and then set up a romantic evening with the GF. Cook her a nice dinner and make out with her really slow and passionate. If you don't get rock hard from this, maybe you could see a doc or something?

Also, this isn't all that uncommon. It can be performance anxiety (That is the fear that you won't perform well actually makes it happen).

This was definitely also one of the causes.

But no matter. We're doing fantastically now! I've got it all worked out! It takes concentration and awareness, but for the past week or so, sex has been just... oh so great!

She loves it too. She's having a great time, and that makes me happy.

Man! sex is awesome! What have I been missing!

That is fantastic news!

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Thanks for letting us know that everything worked out! All too often we get one hit wonders who leave a post asking for advice and then never come back to tell us how it went. It sure is nice to know that we actually give some worthy advice and aren't just talking out of our asses.

i found this to be a problem for me as well when i first started dating my now wife. she was the first woman i was truely IN LOVE with and wasnt just a fuck so it meant so much more and it had been a while since i had had sex and in that time some chicken choking was used. well it did honestly take a while to overcome it because after the first and second time it happened my wife thought i wasnt attracted to her....so then I became nervous about making it happen so she wouldnt feel that way and thus i became even MORE pressured so to speak. She tried different things, taking it slow, caressing me, rubbing my cock for a while,stroking my balls, kissing my ears and stuff and yeah it got me hard. When it came time for insertion though i got nervous once again. I then swallowed my pride and went to the doctor and explained my situation. I told him about my dad dying and having to help my mom with all that stuff, my wife and I planning a wedding, going through a financial period where I lost a lot of monthly income because of the economy. He told me STRESS is likely the cause and gave me a scrip for Levitra to help me get my "confidence" back. I took it for three months and it worked wonders. Now I dont need it at all and its ON in the bedroom. The sex is great and we couldnt be happier about it.