So I'm trying to figure out why my bf wants anal sex

I agree with ya, this stuff is hard to talk over with friends. I certainly don't discuss my sex life with anyone else but the forums here.

The more you post, the better I'm able to see what you;re describing. I wish I had some profound advice, but honestly I think you're doing all you can do at this point. I DO think you should approach him about some turnabout... See if he's open receiving some ass play. Start out small and careful of course, but he may gain some appreciation for what's involved if he experiences it himself. And who knows, he may even like it! (I do!)

I don't know that getting angry is the right response, but be sure that he understands when he crosses the line. Tell him no, to stop, slow down, be gentle, etc. This guy seems like he's only got 2 speeds, snail slow and jackrabbit fast. He's got to learn that there is a whole world in between the two.

Please, continue to share. If nothing else I'm sure getting it off your chest must help.

If that were true, I'd still be here.

To be honest I don't think I'm up for anything that involves playing with his bum. I did it with a previous bf and it just made me uncomfortable. I think it changes the whole dynamic of the relationship in a way that I don't like. I was also in a relationship before with a guy that was bi-sexual and when we let it in to our sex life I had trouble dealing with it.

The worst thing about the anal sex the other night was that I had to be on top. Because I just couldn't trust him to do it from behind. I prefer to just let the guy get on with it and not have to control the whole thing.

You're right about him only having two speeds though. and I just don't know if he's learning.

I mean when he starts off he's very careful, he makes sure I'm wet before he actually penetrates me, but as soon as he starts actually fucking me he goes a little crazy. I'm usually getting close to my orgasm so its kind of hard to pull the breaks, and I typically end up getting hammered which isn't really my thing.

Plus like I said I have to either do it in missionary or cowgirl in order to control what he does. neither of which are positions I really like

Have you sat down with him and talked about this? I mean really talked about it? If not, it might be worth a go. Just remember that timing is important. Try to bring it up at a time when sex is not planned, etc. That way he's less likely to go on the defensive than if you brought it up immediately after.

If that were true, I'd still be here.

Yeah done the whole sit down thing, explained the rules with regard to his fingers when we're shagging.

He was like--- what me shove my fingers up your bum when we're shagging ...no never! and he was being honest but the next time we shagged same thing again...

So...Like I said he's an awesome bf and in all honesty he's not doing anything that merits me actually shouting and screaming at him which is the next step, from the reasoned conversations we've been having..

It's just I think he needs to learn stuff that most guys just know from common sense..

Like I said he's making the effort in every other area of the relationship I've never had a bf that's been as considerate and kind. Even though the sex is heavy going is satisfying... so for the time being I'm not going to make too big an issue out of it. As it stands now he realises he's banned from shagging me from behind, there's going to be no more anal sex or putting his hand on my head when I'm going down on him, and the threesome do far on the horizon it may never happen.. Are those restrictions enough to force him to change? I want to offer him an incentive.

I don't know if there's anything else I should do?

It's strange how setting things down in writing can change your perspective on things. After I posted yesterday about the whole blowjob disaster I started to get more angry than I was at the time.

In the last few weeks we've got into a routine where in the evening we'll watch a movie and snog a little, then I'll go down on him, and then later we'll go to bed. Anyway I told him yesterday that I'd changed my mind and that I wasn't going to go down on hm untill he sorted his act out.

The way I see it is if I can't trust him to hold my head, then rather than tell him to keep his hands off I should just stop going down on him till he learns to control himself.

He made the whole arguement that he would just not use his hands, but I told him I wouldn't go down on him again untill I trusted him enough to hold my head.

He said he'd try, but I just got pissed and said I wasn't prepared to do it untill he was 100% sure. I actually poked him in the chest and told him it was dangerous, that he could choke me.

He got all embarressed I think and I felt really bad.

It got worse though we had sex last night, and it started off with one of his super backrups. He remembered how to do it from last night so as not to make a mess. And it was really good, but I finished well before he was anywhere near ready. It started to get uncomfortable so I had to ask him to stop.

I've never managed to wank him off with my hand, to be honest I don't really think he likes it. I suggested as nicely as possible he could wank himself and we could cuddle at the same time. (I've done it with previous bf's and they've liked it) but he kind of got embarressed again and just wanted me to drop it.

He was embarressed again this morning when he kept getting a hard on. He didn't ask me for anything though so he seems to be accepting the rules. I suppose if I wasn't on my period he might have asked for a regular shag.

But I don't know am I messing him about??

ok totty hoops I am new here but joydean and I have out own forum but I have some information that may help you. its a post i been doing in our forum and I will copy it here for you. I have done other posts that may help if you like this one.
The Touch

I feel it has come time to explain what the Touch is that you hear Joy and me and now my son talks about.
I will explain more latter but the Touch has many parts some of which any one can learn to do if they practice.
But there are parts of the Touch you are born with but you have to realize you have it.
The strongest Touch of all come from deep with in the soul. It your very being your life force that you can tap and touch some one with. This is the one you have to be born with and learn to use it. This is the one I have. This touch is the one you share with your soul mate that is truly mated to you. The touch that your born will bring your soul mates passion alive in the two of you that is out of this world and will also give you a since of oneness with each other.


The Touch that can be learned by any one that wants to drive their sweetheart nuts any where they are is not that hard. It just takes practice that means you have to work at and the more you work at it the better you get.
So what is it you say well its?
Have you had silk slide over your skin and feel how soft it is? The fact that silk is light and glides over your body softly and lightly and give you a kind of ticking feeling that effect is what you’re after.

This is what your tiring to do is to bring the sense’s up on line to get that person to notice your doing some thing different. Now the lighter the touch the better, it’s almost like you not even there but you are. Now when you’re doing this with your finger tips this is where you really have to work at getting the touch down. So you practice on your self, you touch you arm your lips and what ever other part of your body you want it’s up to you. What you’re tiring to do here is to perfect a touch that evens tickle you and bring your own senses and passion up on line. The point is if you can do it to your self you can do it to any one.
Now your finger tip is just the start you can learn to do this with your lips, tongue the end of your nose, the end of your dick and for a woman the ends of her nipples which will rive a man nuts when she gets it right. The woman needs to learn this as much or more than the man, lady’s if you want your man not to go looking learn to do something that very few woman know how to do and that’s is bring him to life with the touch of your own body not with just what’s between your legs. So you see there is no limit to what you can use the touch for.
BUT it still means you have to work at it and it doesn’t come over night so stay with it. Honestly it does really work and you will be surprise where it will get you just don’t rush it slow is the ticket.

Now for the part that is born in to you. Both women and men have it and once you know you have the touch that is or into to you there is no limit to what you can do. But I will say this it will amaze you if you can find you a mate that can return the touch back to you. This person will be your soul mate for life. Yes only one of you can have and you will see and feel thing you never felt before but they will not be able to completely return the same feeling back to you. For example with this touch you can touch the other person and not even be in the room. You can even be at work and just think about what it would be like to hold or touch them or even to make love to them and they will feel you touching their body. Now if the other person is some one that can return the touch this is where it gets out of this world. The two of you will be able to make love to one another and not ever be with each other. Yes I know it sound hard to believe but its true and it will feel just like the two of you are there together and yes if you are truly soul mates cum will run out of her when she wakes up and yes guys you will have her juices on you as well. You will be able to feel each other hold, suck and do thing to one another as if the two of you are there in bed together. But there is one draw back to this it will not replace the real time you are together because your going to find that the passion orgasm’s and the just making out when your together is out of this world.

Now this is just one part of the Touch.
If your wondering if this works joydean has joined her two write her and ask for your self she is my lady.

Yeah thanks joydean but I'm not really sure that its quite relevant to my problem. Like I wrote my problems with my sex life are mainly to do with putting the breaks on... not going down some other route... Neither my bf or I have any problems satisfying the other, my bf like I mentioned has a different issue

As for wanting to touch each others souls? I'm pretty sure he's not going to get there via my bum sorry couldn't resist.

Well.. First of all, It wasnt me who posted this to you, but it was Bluedragon that made the post. Believe he was trying to share some personal experiences with you that he thought might make your relationship more meaningful and deeper.

As to the anal issue, I agree with others that have posted,
that its just a case of him becomming more open with you and comfortable in asking for what he wants. I dont think it has anything to do with him thinking your slutty, or disrespecting you. Although your right, you shouldnt have to keep telling him things you dont enjoy. After you mentioned that deepthroating involved you choking on his cock, did he continue to ask you to deepthroat? Now, if that's the case, I would consider it disrespecting you. You say its just a case of him getting ' carried away in the moment".. but if he truley cares about you, these things you have stated you do not particularly care for, would be in the back of his mind when you two are having sex, and he should be self controled enough to refrain from doing them. You could always try pokeing a finger up his ass and seeing how he enjoy's it.. lol.. but then thats going into another issue.. since that is where a guys g spot is and some guys actually get off on that.. tee heee.

One approach to this i suppose could be to begin doing things repeatedly that HE dont like sexually... you know...doing the same thing he's doing to you. But then, you would be faced with the question of do two wrongs make a right? But what, the hell... some dont learn until they get the same thing in return. Just a thought.

At any rate...Best of luck to you and him.

Actually he didn't. To be honest I don't think he understood what was involved in me deep throating him, I think he was a little horrified actually when I had to explain that the sensation he was feeling was my gag reflex.

I regret even doing it now just like I regret the anal sex. I don't think he's able to deal with it to be honest. I think he associates both acts as being dirty and slutty and definitely not something he's encountered before.

I did encourage him to tell me what he wanted to do sexually, and I got a wishlist of typical male fantasy stuff, anal sex, threesomes etc nothing really unusual. And I was quite willing to do it... To be honest I've never really been bothered with most sex stuff, as long as its not painful I don't mind.

I remember hearing an expression once, 'not the girl you bring home to mother' . I took it to mean guys looking for a slutty girlfriend that they can shag and then dump when some virginal wholesome type comes along.

I've always been really good at picking out guys like that. And my bf definitely isn't one, but I think.. that he hasn't had the oppurtunity to do any of this stuff with previous gf's (he was in a long term relationship before me) and instinctivley he wants to indulge himself but he's not really coping with reconcilling the sex with our relationship..

As for the sex, I didn't offer and he didn't ask last night, or tonight before he left ... I think he's missing the blowjobs and he's definitely acting contrite.

Oh I don't know I kind of regret not doing something for him because he's working.... I don't know.....

Funny thing is if I say too much in here I am going to come off the holyer than now guy. There is something my mother pounded in my head because she is the one that was my teacher when it came to sex. She said treat all women with respect no matter what unless they show you that their not deserving of it. She also said a woman’s body belongs to her and she chose's to share it with you and it is not your to own. So respect her and her want and listen to her when she ask for you to do something the way she likes it.
She also told me treat a woman’s body as if it is a beautiful painting or a fine wine. She said drink slowly and always takes your time making love because you take the time to please and finish her so she is full fill and she will take care of you wants and needs along the way. This teaching of my mother has proved to dead on.
I have read all of your post and I do understand but you need to do some teaching to do. I know your going to say where do I get off right? Ok here let me explain. You want him to understand what it was like for you to go down on his and why he should put more valves in what you’re doing for him. Get a polish sausage; now have him try to do to it what you did to his cock it as easy as that. And if he refuse's then you’re wasting your time trying to get him to understand if he won't even try to see how it was for you. Now on the anal thing it does not feel the same for a man as it does for a woman to have something up your ass. But to get your point across get an anal toy and have him let you stick up his butt and once you get it in there if he lets you do to him what he does to you. The only way he's going to know how it feels to you is to do it to him. Now if he won't do just to know what he put you through then maybe you better stop the anal thing till he does.

A lot of what you’re dealing with is he doesn’t not know him self more or know how you work. There is so much I could tell you to that would help but he has to be willing to care enough to want to learn how a woman’s body works to be able to please you. Believe me the trick that most men miss is learning a woman’s body with out the keys to unlock her passion and her body you will never be totally happy with the sex or him.
Bill

Your mother said this to you!!?

long story but yes she did. To make my story shot for you with out you going to Joy and my forum to read our stories. I came late in my mothers live and I was her only son I had no brother or sisters and not I was not spoiled i had to work for all I got.
But to the point in my mother younger days she was a high paid call girl back in the late 1920's and 30's to the judges and other people in our home town. I have the letter wrote to her from the guys she knew . My dad gave them to me after my mother died.
So to make a long story shot my mother show me and learned to to make love to a woman the way she like it so I was shown how to please a woman. And I have showed this teaching to my son and he can also do the things to a woman I can do. now your going to say I am boosting. No I am not I am just offer iing you some help if you would like to listen. because I don't want this art of making love to die. and If you think I am boosting go back to the post of joydean and ask her about me she is my lover and my mate and at first she really didn't think all I can do was posable till she let me touch her.
Its your call but before you judge ask the lady that has won my heart because she can do to me what I can do to her and both of us are willing to share with you our wisdom of our years.
I or joy will not tell you any thing we can't not do our selves so what do you have to loose.
Bill

If I had to be a drink I don't think I'd pick a fine wine ..... and as for guys drinking their fill of me I don't know sounds kind of kinky...

If I had to pick a drink to be I'd think I'd be Blossom Hill rose.... you know that you get totally wasted on when you're at home.... or just end up knocking at the filling station in the middle of the night after getting chucked from a club ... offering the attendent a wad of cash to pass you a bottle... (well once)

Plus I think a fine wine is kind of finite... when its gone its gone... but there's always more blossom hill.....


I'm really getting into these smilie faces.....

i only wish i had these problems, i mean your man is very lucky.

~no worries~

Well for a lucky man it looks like he got the short end of the stick here. He has to be a mind reader and a bottle with a genie in it to pick all the right cloths. There is no way any man can fit this roll that you want this guy to fit.
More than one of us has asked you to lead him or guide him in the things you want him to do. To offer suggestion and show him cloth you like clear to how you want sex and still you have an excuse for beating him over the head with some thing WHY what’s the point just to here what the rest of us has to say about it.