Menopause and sex

At 43, I'm a few years away from being menopausal, but I have questions with regards to how it effects sexual relations. I've done some reading about it, but there is a lot of conflicting information.

For those of you that are at that age or have SO's that are, what are your thoughts?

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Hopefully some of the ladies will be able to help you out with first hand experience, but here are some experiences that have been conveyed to me. The reason you find so much conflicting info is likely because the experiences are so varied.
I've had ladies tell me that their libido increased greatly with onset of menopause where they have gone from somewhat disinterested to super horny and can't get enough; others have told me they experienced a real decline in libido and were only slightly interested. My own SO had a significant decline in sexual interest and even went through a period that I would term 'anti-sex', not just for herself but everyone, where she expressed disgust with anything sexual from physical touch to TV commercials, news reports, movies, public displays of affection by others, etc. It was a trying time that has now passed, thank God, and her mojo has returned.
Then of course there are the new physical aspects that need to be dealt with like vaginal dryness (and drop in natural male lubrication also) as well as other aging phenomena like decline in flexibility and stamina.
Despite it all, the sex continues to be great. Just takes a little more care and preparation.
Let's hear from the ladies.

An erection doesn't count as personal growth.

Hi again CL.
From my own experience; spouse gone the same way as Strathmore's with no further interests in sexual activity whilst two FBs have gone exactly the other way and become insatiably horny.
I do not know why this is so but libido is associated with the hormone testosterone which in the female is produced in small amounts by the adrenal gland. There is possibly a complex relationship between it and the level of female hormones which in peri and menopausal states diminish over time.
These days many ladies also go onto hormone replacement therapy which complicates things further.
Also one should not discount the psychological impact for the female knowing that she can no longer conceive and therefore fuck to abandon without fear of further pregnancies.
One thing that is certain however, (and mentioned by Strathmore) is that natural lubrication does diminish significantly and so additional lube is necessary.
A further observation from personal experience is that there is a lot less variability in libido over the month in an individual woman than that when is still cycling.
Hoping that you will end up in the second group hey?

Nah, I prefer to turn into a sexless drone with a dried up pussy. Maybe I will start collecting cats, reading the National Enquirer, and knitting toliet paper covers that look like ballerinas. I can hardly wait!

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Somehow I doubt that CL

*I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,*
*but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.*

Lack of natural lube is one thing we've had to overcome. We use enough store-bought lube to get started and then she will juice up on her own and usually stay wet. It takes longer for her to cum too. I think her libido is lower than it used to be, but not gone, and she's maybe not as adventurous as she used to be. My libido ain't what it used to be either, but I still basically have sex on my mind about every 5 minutes unless I'm paying bills or something. We both suffer from the pain of the day now. You never know what's going to hurt from one day to the next, so sometimes that'll slow us down. Slow sex is fine with me too though.
Another thing I noticed is it has almost no aroma anymore. I remember what those young pussies from my youth smelled like... not unhealthy, just hormone loaded. I sure wish I could get a whiff just for old times sake.

New member? Welcome to SexualForums.
Be sure to post an Introduction so we can meet you. And don't forget to Read our forum rules.

You want I should send you my panties, HR?

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Cowboy Lover,
My wife is older than you but hasn't reached menopause yet. What I can offer you is an insight to a long-term low-level illness I had in my system for a number of years. This illness was not enough to prevent me from working or living a relatively normal life, but it really drained my energy and killed my sex drive. However, this didn't stop me having sex. Even though I no longer had the overwhelming need to have sex, once it happened it was warm, tender, loving and pleasurable. There were times when I'd much rather sleep than have sex, so I switched to morning or daytime sex. I was always able to work-around my lack of drife, and this brought me much pleasure. Not only that, my wife would have been concerned about non-sex, and such a thing wasn't fair on her.

So the opportunity I am offering you is this. Even if menopause affects your levels of testosterone, what happens to your sex life is up to you. If you are in love, and you enjoy the pleasure and sensations of sex, then a possible lake of drive doesn't mean the end of sexual enjoyment.

Thank you for your responses guys. I was hoping some women would pipe in as well, but I think our token post-menopausal woman was Rose and she hasn't posted in ages.

Its odd when you think about it, there are loads of guys in their 50's and up here, but no women in that age group. Go figure.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

You continue to slay me, CL!


My late wife had had a hysterectomy so didn't have Aunt Flo coming around every month, but she had kept her ovaries, so she still had menopause to go through. She'd actually only started having the symptoms when she died at 51. (In fact, when she complained to her doctor about her sever headaches and dizziness, he said it was due to her hormonal fluctuations and gave her pills. She died from a brain hemorrhage a week later.)

My current wife is now 53 and that damned Aunt Flo still keeps coming every month, although she's not quite as regular these days. Some are stronger than others and sometimes they show up a week too early or late. The late ones are worse and last longer. She has laughed about having hot flashes, but I think it's just because she's so skinny the cold goes right to her bones. Anyway, she's been that way for the last 10 years.

I want her to get to a doctor so she can monitor it, but she hates doctors -- hasn't seen one in probably 7-8 years. The big change is in hormones, and all women handle it differently. Some seem to go sailing right through it and have higher sex drives than ever before; some are just the opposite, require hormone replacement and still struggle.

My wife has been hoping every month that she'll reach menopause since she was younger than you, just to end the periods. So far I don't see too much change in her sex drive. She's a bit reserved, so it's hard to tell. She almost never wants to have sex on days she works, and it's been that way for a few years, but we hardly get out of beds on weekends, and still get plenty of exercise, if you know what I mean.

My best recommendation is that you get to a doctor and get a full workup on your various hormone levels. Doing that now, if you haven't lately, will give your doc a base to use, so he/she knows what your normal levels are before menopause. A lot of women are afraid to use hormone replacement therapy, but in many cases it sure beats not using it. I've been taking hormone replacement for 20 years, due to pituitary gland issues. It helps me. It doesn't bring levels up to where they were, but edges them from "low-normal range" up to the "hi-normal range". Then they slowly drop for a month until I get another shot.

I better get a PO box, be sure to put them in a brown paper bag.

New member? Welcome to SexualForums.
Be sure to post an Introduction so we can meet you. And don't forget to Read our forum rules.

I can tell you from experience that my wife's libido dropped considerably when she hit full-blown menopause. We still have sex, but she "does it for me", and she no longer allows me to caress her breasts because they're too sensitive.

Hank

Off topic, why do you say you are 43 when right under your avitar in the mini stats your age says 46?

A) She is long gone
B) She was not lying because she was a long time member and the program does not update your age automatically with time. You have to remember to update it at every birthday

The date of the original post was 2009. We are in 2012 now. Barbwire has aged 3 years since then, as have the rest of us.

The program updated my age with my birthday but any posts mentioning my age would have to be manually changed.