Need general tips

Originally Posted by Fliteskates

I dunno bro... I had several friends who were raped and it took years for them to get over... and if this girl was anally raped, that has to be extremely traumatic for her.

This just happened in August man... you gotta think about that. There is absolutely no way she has healed emotionally from that right now - believe me.

Girls that age as I told you before are going to tell you things because they think it is what you want to hear. They will go along with what they know you want - just to try and please you.

You gotta man up and not have anal sex with her. Don't ask her if it's ok and all that bullshit, because I can guarantee you this girl wants that pressure off her.

...

Originally Posted by Puss_in_boots

It doesn't seem like an unreasonable request.

Originally Posted by BassDude

Now, who knows...maybe she wants to try some very gentle anal sex as some way of helping her heal from the emotional aftermath of likely very painful anal rape? If you actually have any kind of relationship with this girl, why don't you talk to her about that and find out why she's offering?

BD

Originally Posted by cbrmale

My experience of anal sex was soley with women who had a lot of experience with anal sex before me, so for my partners it was never a painful experience, except one for a moment on penetration (I saw it on her face). I am big, thick rather than long, and I used positions that were known to be suited to my size. The best one was a type of missionary position, partner on her back, one leg flat and one knee near her shoulder, me above. It was brilliant. Another that worked well was partner flat on her stomach, me above.

For most of my partners we never tried anal sex because they felt I was too big. I respected their decisions on this.

I suggest you try some of the suggestions, perhaps my positions, but if it doesn't work just give it up. I haven't had anal sex in God knows how long, but my sex life is still fantastic.

In terms of pain during intercourse, I have been here and I know it's unpleasant. My size is 7.5" long and 6.5" girth. I've rarely had problems with partners who were aroused and ready, but one girl just couldn't take me without some pain. No matter how aroused, how much play, how many orgasms, whatever position, it always was uncomfortable for her. At least you seem to be getting somewhere with some positions, so be thankful for what you've got!

The old 'if she's aroused it'll be okay' advice doesn't always work. For sure it works 99% of the time for larger guys, but not always, as seems to be your dilemma at the moment.

I understand and sympathise with your issue on a certain posting, because pain on intercourse doesn't come from 'slamming into her balls-deep'. For some of us we're too big no matter how slow and gentle we go. It's an awful thing to be part of, and very frustrating on a relationship too.

No advice I am afraid, but my experience from the past may help you come to terms with what can be an awkward experience.

Originally Posted by Fliteskates

I dunno bro... I had several friends who were raped and it took years for them to get over... and if this girl was anally raped, that has to be extremely traumatic for her.

This just happened in August man... you gotta think about that. There is absolutely no way she has healed emotionally from that right now - believe me.

Girls that age as I told you before are going to tell you things because they think it is what you want to hear. They will go along with what they know you want - just to try and please you.

You gotta man up and not have anal sex with her. Don't ask her if it's ok and all that bullshit, because I can guarantee you this girl wants that pressure off her.

I'm sure you aren't in love with her yet, but you still have to be mature and think about how your actions are effecting this girl. Every time you are together she is probably secretly thinking "please don't let him ask to put it in my ass".

Ya you may be thinking "what the fuck ever man, she says she wants to, you don't know shit."

I was just like you a decade ago and as you mature and learn about women, you start to understand them much MUCH more then when you are 19, 20 years old.

You gotta take it upon yourself to put your need, lust, whatever for anal sex aside and NOT do it with this girl. She was anally raped bro... that's so uncool to try to have anal sex with her less than two months after it happened.

I know it pisses you off to read stuff like this, it would piss me off to. But if you are honest with yourself, you'll see the light.

I'd bet all I had that in 10 years you will look back on the advice people are giving you in here and be extremely thankful if you are smart enough to take it to heart.

Don't get pissed off when you hear something you don't like - use it to your advantage.

Don't be just like every other young guy out there... be different. Use the advice from people with more experience to your advantage. I sure as hell wish I had a place like this to help me when I was your age - it would of saved me a lot of trouble.

There are tons of things you can do together sexually for months without even doing the same things twice - without ever having anal sex.

Be cool, be thoughtful, and take the pressure off her and don't ask or try to have anal sex with her.

Originally Posted by Pride

I agree on all accounts...but what i am trying to get through to people on here that just dont seem to read for comprehension is that i am not even the one who brings it up..she asked a question or 2 about anal b4 and i answered honestly was all. And then she was the one who went on to tell me that she really wants to do it and find out if she enjoys the act. As i said she did admit to feeling a little pleasure in it before but of course she was being raped so it was very painful at the same time and not something she WANTED at the time, but whatever her case i have talked to her about it and all i can do is take her for her word and what she says is true about her intents and reasons.

Originally Posted by Fliteskates

I know where you are trying to come from, but you just gotta believe me when I tell you to back off the anal sex with her.

If you aren't sure how to have anal sex properly, this is NOT the girl to practice with. I can't stress that enough.

Girls know most guys like anal, so it isn't that surprising that she asked you. I'm assuming you said that you are down with anal sex and like it etc.

So she is going to feel pressure to do it with you now based on your answers. Remember - most young girls pretend to like things they don't to make their b/fs happy. It's a self esteem thing and it is very real.

A young girl is going to feel like if she doesn't do things the guy likes, that he will go find a girl who will. The fact is, it is probably true with a lot of guys, especially ones your age.

So she is most likely feeling that she has to learn to like anal sex to keep you and her future partners happy...

I practice what I preach bro... it isn't like I'm telling you to do anything I haven't done. My g/f isn't into anal sex and I am... so it is something I had to learn how to handle in a mature and loving way. I just let it go and I don't ask or ever pressure her.

She knows I like it and every so often if she is really horny, will want it. But it is rare.

It's just something you gotta learn to deal with because the chances are REALLY good that you may fall in love with a girl who isn't down with anal.

So if you don't learn how to deal with it now - it will cause major problems in future relationships.

Originally Posted by Pride

Thats the thing, i can deal with it i honestly dont care..do i like it yes, does it make sex a little less boring and give it a spice..yes.

But i have only ever had anal with one girl...and only ever had 2 girls that liked it..

I can't do much more than i have..i mean really i tell her constantly that its fine..and its doesnt bother me..and that she dont need to do ANYTHING she dont want and im perfectly fine with it..i mean she always insist upon it though..what if she does want it and i always refuse..then she has self esteem issues with "well why doesnt he want to with me" kind of thing..i've turned girls down for sex becuz they were drunk or something before or becuz i didnt feel that they REALLY wanted to...and then come to find out they leave ME kind of thing because they dont think im interested in them...

I'm always assuring her that its fine that we dont do it and that it doesnt bother me and that A LOT of girls dont do anal and its nothing new. I have told her that yes i did like it when i did it but its not anything that i have to have in the least...i mean i totally get what your saying but...it just seems that maybe she does want it...ill ask her why i guess ive never truely asked her that...

Originally Posted by Fliteskates

I practice what I preach bro... it isn't like I'm telling you to do anything I haven't done. My g/f isn't into anal sex and I am... so it is something I had to learn how to handle in a mature and loving way. I just let it go and I don't ask or ever pressure her.

Originally Posted by Pride

Wait what?..no she does want to do it..i said having something in MY ass does nothing for ME...

I am the one who keeps stressing to her over and over again to not worry about what I want..and that its not a big deal to me...

...but apparently the back story also which i didnt say because i didnt feel the need to...is i guess sometime around august or something she was literally raped...but not vaginally...she says though it actually did feel good in some ways but of course not entirely as...imagine being anally raped thats not going to be good...

But she as i figure that if it felt a little good at all...then if done correctly and at her discresion it could be something she really enjoys.


I'm sorry but i come here asking for simple questions sometimes and i have already pointed out all the the BS that you guys keep saying..i pointed that out in the original post...and yet you guys insist on being total well...assholes at times about stuff its just ridiculous and uncalled for...yes i did ask for help but with the exception the first section of BD post...nothing else is even in the "helpful" catagory as i have already stated that i know it shouldn't be painful and she should only do it if SHE wants to...and that should not be influenced much by me..and TRUST me i am nothing of a forceful type...and have not even tried to sway her in anyway beside admiting to her that yes i do like anal...she is the one that brought up trying it at that...


Now im sure im going to get scalded for this post but honest i dont really give a F...



And FC i just want to point out that this in no way is aimed at just you...or you at all in general...its a generalization of a few select members that seem to do it. And im not saying that it is even intentional...but still i feel i need to let my opinion be known.


Also Heelfetish did say some helpful things but that was only AFTER he critized me wrongly. And once again just said many things like i had NO idea about even though i did once again explain many things in the original post.

Originally Posted by FlirtyChick

No YOU didn't infer that I am an asshole. I just know you didn't. I might get slapped for his but so what? You come on here asking for advice, and quite frankly, you have it. Most of the advice you get is from older, more experienced people that want to help you. But you come across as pompous sometimes, and part of that I suppose is your age, and lack of maturity, especially sexually. You say she was literally raped, but not vaginally? Do you mean orally, or anally? If anal was the case especially, no friggin wonder she tenses up and gets tearful. My opinion was, and is, to leave the anal alone for now and if you care about this girl treat her respectfully, with dignity, and be sensitive to the trauma she has gone through. I gave you props for saying no woman should have to do something they don't want, and you come back with "asshole" Bottom line, hun, if you cannot accept constructive criticism, avoid asking questions. There are reasons we answer like we do: We know collectively what we are talking about because we are adults with experience. I have no doubt you might have good intentions, but if you are with a girl that was raped a few months ago I am not sure you are up for that emotional challenge. And don't dare come back with a retort on that one with me, because I have been there and she needs more than someone who wants to "ease" her into something that brings back horrific memories. And please, do not ever use my name, image, or anything and attach "asshole' to it. Thank you.