Originally Posted by Scruples

How long can this go on .... let's see huh :

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word he made contact.

"Connie....Connie. "

"Is that you, Joe?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun, and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Joe, you surely must be in Heaven!"

"Not exactly... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona"

Originally Posted by LPjammin

...finally reached his dreams and retired from the investment firm, the yacht club and summer on the Hamptons and bought his dream spread way back up in the hills, away from pretty much everything.

As he was settling in to his dream cabin one day, a pick up truck came rumbling up the long drive and out popped Billy Bob to introduce himself and welcome the new neighbor.

Tad introduced himself, they chatted for a bit about the area and the coming winter and Billy Bob said to Tad "Hey, I'm having a little get together Saturday night. Why donctcha come on down? There's gonna be drinkin' and a dancin' and a cussin' and a fuckin' and a fightin'. We'll have a grand old time before winter sets in. Come on over and be mah guest!"

Tad thought it over for a minute and figured this would be too good to miss. Plus, he hadn't been laid in some time and could only dream about those mountain girls, so he says;

"Sure! Sounds like fun! What should I wear?"

Billy Bob pauses, spits and says "Oh, it don't much matter. I ain't too particular.
Just gonna be you and me."

Originally Posted by slamd097

A teacher in class was going over the definition of the word definately.
she then asks the class to use the word in a sentence.
Being the little smart ass she was little suzy rockets her hand up. "Teacher, teacher, I know, I know!"
The teacher says, "Ok little suzy, lets her your sentence"
"The Sky is definately blue!" she all but screams out.
the teacher thinks, and says "yes the sky is blue, but not all the time. So saying the sky is blue is not right."
Little jonny pops his grubby hands up.
Seeing this the teacher silently prays. Thinking on it though, what could he possibly say with the word definately that would be rude?
She then nods to Jonny approving him.
"Are farts lumpy?" Little Jonny askes.
"Um, not that I know of, why?" Asked the teacher.
"Well then, I definately shit my pants!"