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Originally Posted by Drakonnen  I appreciate the rest of the tough love aspect of sorts of your post, and I think you're right about the Men v. boys thing, but I'm not sure its fair to say they shouldn't post about this stuff and only about the other things. This is the "sex and relationships" forum, and emotions are part of relationships.
There is a General forum, and technique forum, a fantasy and fetish forum, in addition to the relationship forum for a reason, after all. |
...follow these type threads they take on a pattern. It goes something like this;
I have a problem, what should I do?
Well this or this or maybe think about it like this.
But, I have a problem!
Yes, well, uh, OK, try this.
No, you don't understand. I have a PROBLEM!
Right. Have a nice day.
What about my problem?
We're talking about emotional immaturity's, that classic immature male, end of the world no one has ever felt this way but me, all is lost kind of stuff. I know because I are one.
It serves no purpose whatsoever to get too deeply into helping a young guy with his feelings when he's not listening. In my view, for males, you hand them the directions. You tell them this hurts because of that. That works this way and this is what you do about it. They think they know, they argue back and you just look at them and say 'Did you read the instructions?" and they say "No, but this is different"...and then you say "Shut the fuck up, read the directions and grow the fuck up."
I WANT to help these kids and when a male is having a fit you can either ignore them and maybe they go settle down or go hurt themselves or go make things worse. I am of the opinion that that if they're just blowing snot bubbles and flailing about, at some point you punch them in the stomach, thus knocking the wind out of them and then start over.
Break ups hurt because you thought you were the only guy in the world for her and now you've found different. It is normal to think that way, but it is immature. Recognize it. Find a way to accept it. Move on. You can not control her thoughts and feelings. If she slept with someone else before you and liked it and you find that a bad thing, you are FAR to immature for an adult relationship.
If she wants to fuck someone else and that bothers you, as it should, understand that she wants to move on. Let her. Say thanks for the memories and move on. No hard feelings. Also understand that she may be somewhat put off if you want to sleep with all of her friends. You can think it, and you will, but do not take action towards it. Discourage it. If it's time for you to move on, move on first and then start another relationship. If you don't do it this way and it turns out bad, don't act like you didn't know any better and don't expect people to like a cheater and a liar.
All of this stuff is simple when you're not the one it is happening to. They doesn't change what's going on. So, I try to cut through the emotions and clear the smoke as a service to the brotherhood.
We, guys, are, by nature, loners and we like to figure things out on our own and that's fine. When you reach the point you are crying out for help it's because, obviously, you aren't doing too well figuring it out. Commiserating is all well and good. Let's get drunk and cry about it. That doesn't mean we can't work on it while we're at it.
Women, for the most part, don't know or understand our weaknesses and vulnerabilities any more. The woman's movement threw that baby out with the bath water. To the women that do, I salute you. To the rest, well, all I can do is help a brother out and maybe help get him back on his feet.
