Quote:
Originally Posted by Makesmewonder  Are you a bad person because you cheated? |
Well, not necessarily. I think cheating is *generally* a bad choice, but I'm not sure you can put "good" or "bad" labels on any human behavior to be honest. Sometimes good people make bad choices, ya know? Just because someone cheats doesn't actually mean they are a bad person. For instance, my now wife says that she cheated on her boyfriend with me, but he was a verbally and physically abusive man. So, was her "cheating" a bad choice? I'd have to say "no" since it led her out of an abusive relationship. (Things involving humans and their emotions are rarely black and white.) Even if someone looks at it as a "bad choice", does that mean she's a bad person? Absolutely not...quite the opposite. Like most things human, I think it really depends on the situation. This is a great question!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Makesmewonder what makes people cheat? |
Another good question...and like most things human, I don't think there's an easy answer. In a nutshell, I would say "because they aren't getting what they need from their current partner", but you know that's quite a wide open statement with all sorts of variables and considerations. (For instance, maybe they aren't getting what they need because they aren't giving their partner what the partner needs...ya know?)
Some folks obviously cheat because they are simply selfish and can't get enough of what they want for themselves. I think some folks cheat because they may be looking to kick themselves out of a relationship they are in. Some folks cheat to have someone else lined up before they end an existing relationship. There's probably hundreds of "reasons" folks have made the choice to cheat.
One thing I do greatly dislike is hearing someone call cheating a "mistake". A mistake is an accident...cheating is rarely an accident..."she was lying there naked and I tripped and fell and..."
Cheating is
usually (not always though) a carefully planned and executed operation involving considerable deceit...doesn't sound like an accident to me, sounds like a conscious choice, doesn't it?
Now, it IS possible to find yourself quite (or at least, mostly) unintentionally in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong opportunity and the wrong weaknesses...I have found myself there at least once I can remember, but I was strong enough to make the right decision. I didn't have the
intent, just the
opportunity, so it wasn't hard to make the right choice, especially since I had pre-thought situations like this and knew what the right choice was.
Speaking of intent and opportunity, there was a message in church on cheating not too long ago. The gist of the message was that it takes intent AND opportunity to cheat. I actually don't agree with that...all it takes is
intent in my opinion. If you have the intent, you will create opportunities no matter what barriers are in place. Opportunities might sometimes fall right in your lap without your influence on that happening (although you can always back up and say "well, maybe I shouldn't have been where I was", right?), but intent is something you create for yourself...
intent is a
conscious choice, and without the intent, I tend to believe that cheating usually won't take place, even if an opportunity might exist.
One thing to consider is your "ledge"...how close to an opportunity could you be without that opportunity creating intent? Put differently, how much distance do you need to keep yourself from making a wrong choice if the opportunity exists? Once you step off that "ledge", you can't go back and change what you did, so the idea is to give yourself enough room for a little error...we are all human after all. For instance, if you are alone with a member of the opposite sex, say, in a car and you know that you both are attracted to each other, is that enough opportunity to create temptation and possibly cause you to change your intent? For some folks maybe so. Could you fall asleep drunk with someone of the opposite sex and know that you would have the fortitude stop any action that might just spontaneously erupt? Could you get in a hot tub alone and naked with someone of the opposite sex and not do them if they wanted you to? That's your "ledge"...the point where you know you couldn't say "no" and would make a choice based on the heat of the moment. It doesn't matter whether your ledge is short or long...what matters is that you know how long your ledge is, and give yourself enough distance so that you make it difficult for yourself to step off your ledge...in other words stay a safe distance from the edge. This gives you a way to keep yourself out of situations where you know you'd have a difficult time making the right choice. (Based on the situation I mentioned above, I now know for certain that my ledge is pretty long.)
Oh...one other thing on the "ledge" concept...don't assume your ledge is a constant length. It's length likely depends on the other person in question. For instance, I know there's women I could hop naked into a hot tub with and not do something I shouldn't...there's other women that I know I might not be able to hop naked into a hop tub with and "be good".
BD
