Cheating your story?

That's kind of a broad brush. I'm American. My wife and I are Christians. We were taught that once you are married you can do pretty much whatever you want with each other, as long as it doesn't involve other people.

I think you are misreading 'parental influence' as 'Christian influence'.

Read the post again please. Especially this bit (key word highlighted):

"These Christians get told that sex is bad, wrong, evil, wicked, and a temptation to be denied over and over again, and then are expected to magically put all these bad depictions aside the moment they sign the marriage registry."

Evangelical American Christians brainwash their congregation about sex, and then the person needs to be un-brainwashed. And that's a bit harder than saying 'oh, after you're married, sex is all good'. I unbrainwashed her by studying scripture with her, and pointing out the weaknesses of what she had been told in the past. That, coupled with something else, worked.

Parental influence was non-existant, as my wife is an orphan and she was raised by her oldest sister.

well here it goes. Yes I have cheated on my wife, and yes she still is my wife. We have worked through it and are stronger and closer today. The affair started as an "online" affair in a chatroom. Innocent right? Well it was at first. a few weeks into it the sexual side of it started to come out, we exchanged pictures talked provocitive to each other. After about a month of chatting we decided to meet face to face, just meet nothing sexual, just talk and nothing more and thats exactly what happened but we were both instantly sexually attracted to each other. At the time we were both married but keep in mind that if we were both satisfied sexually this would have never happened. I wont speak for her but I will say that I was NOT sexually satisfied, my wife was always working, everything and I mean everything came before me and sex. We had sex on the average of once a month, no I'm not making this up, and when we did it was hohum, like she was doing me a favor. Anyway, after we met face to face it wasnt long before we got together again and the sexual part of it started. One of the questions ctown75 asked was how I felt when it was happening, well to be quite honest, numb. It got to the point where I couldnt stay away from her and the reason being was the sex was the absolute best I ever had and that still remains the fact today. I also felt very confindent in myself, why? because my mistress for lack of a better word was 8 years my junior and so young and sexy and I just couldnt believe she wanted me when she could have damn near any younger guy out there. The affair lasted 4 months, the reason it ended was her constantly getting on me about leaving my wife for her, said she didnt like fucking a married man, that she felt guilty. Oh I forgot, a couple months into it, her husband left her, so now she wanted me and fucking a married man in the beginning of the affair was ok but now she wasnt ok with it. After it getting to the point I couldnt take anymore of her asking me to leave I finally broke it off, she then threated to tell my wife, which she eventually did. How did I feel after the affair? Like total shit, I suppose the way I deserved to feel. I still feel terrible to this day for what I did. But what it all boiled down to, why I did it was because the lack of GOOD sex and attention.

I'm not proud of what I did and I dont condone the behavior and I'm sure somebody here will have something to say about it but what is done is done and cant be changed. One thing I struggle with today, 5 years after the affair is it was the greatest sex I ever had. Eventhough she was 8 years younger then me she taught me things (sexually) that I had never done, always wanted to try or wasnt even aware of, sexual things. She was certainly a wild child in that respect and I dream about the sex quite frequently even though I know I shouldnt, but sex THAT good is hard to forget. If anybody would like to ask me a question regarding this post feel free to ask.

No questions; you've done a good job of describing your feelings and motivations. I'm glad to hear that you and your wife are now closer. These things happen. Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure you've already done plenty of that.

How exactly are we defining cheating? If I sneak around and lie about it to have lunch (and only lunch) with a girl (or girls) because my wife would flip, does that count? What if it's a couple times a week and includes long wanton lingering looks but never a single kiss? Maybe a "working late again" lie to go to some fancy candle-lit dinner, an extended minute of hugging at the end with a "kiss me now" look exchanged but not acted on... Kind of an emotional affair, but maybe I rationalize that it doesn't "cross the line".

In my experience, cheating is all about rationalizing. What I've done is okay because of a combination of
1. my wife's cold indifference and cruel derogatory rejection of my sexual/emotional advances
2. Especially considering (most recent list of reciprocated romantic gestures on my part)
3. Her rejection of me shows she'd rather pass my emotional needs off to someone else's care
4. Her disregard for my happiness means I can excuse behaviors of my own that would make her unhappy.
5. I'm not "technically" crossing any lines. No making out, no sex, none of that

and the list goes on and on, but it somehow never includes, "Because I am a bad selfish inconsiderate person"

I might have to say sometimes it just happens. I had a boyfriend. Irish with a charming accent and was an accountant so he made a lot of money AND HUUGE PENIS. He worshiped me, but I wasn't taking it as seriously as him because there just wasn't really a spark. I know it sounds shallow that I stayed with him but I did like him he was sweet and I thought something might develop. I met my current boyfriend at a party when I was still with the Irish guy. Me and my current boyfriend hit off intensly, and I kissed him and felt bad about it but we had such a connection. The next weekend my current boyfriend was at another party and I slept with him. We woke up together in the morning and had the most easy and comfortable conversation I've had in my life. We have been together ever since.

Nope, would never cheat on my current boyfriend. It feels very right to be with him, and I would never want to sacrifice the chance of a friendship if things don't work out romantically.