Advice needed - my wife thinks having me lick my cum off her is gay!

Hi everyone,

My wife and I were watching some porn where this guy came on the woman’s boobs, after which she strongly/lovingly “suggested” he clean up his mess, which he did by licking it up. It was deliciously wicked to me and a huge turn on to say the LEAST. I would love it for my wife to desire that…or at least try it. Anyway, she said that’s “So gay!” :-(

I can’t remember being so turned on by something in a long time and I really want to incorporate something like that (ok…exactly that!) into our sex life. At least once in a while. I would love some advice in two areas.

1. I’m curious as to why this is such a major turn on to me. Any thoughts?

2. Any advice on how I can talk to my wife and get her to understand (truly understand) that this desire has noting to do with being gay or having gay desires. I ** think ** it has more to do with female-power play then anything else. Don’t get me wrong, It’s great if you’re gay, but I’m just not. I really want to do this and see how it feels. I love my wife and would love for her to belive there could be more then one reason for somthing like this. Perhaps we could both enjoy it.

Thanks all!!!

Well not everyone is into everything. I don't know why some things turn me on while other things don't. The reason that it may turn you on so much is that it's something different and out of the ordinary. I like it when my wife "orders" to lick my cum off of her though my doing it doesn't turn her on. She had told me to do it only because I asked her to before I came. She's not into it (and truthfully after I cum I'm not as into it as I was before I came) so it's not something that we do. It turns me on to have a woman tell me what to do. Not in a dominant sort of way but more like a "this is want I want" kind of way. It's like having a woman look you in the eye and saying "Fuck me!"

It may be that you can talk your wife into trying it. She may like it or she may not but at least you will both have the satisfaction of saying that you at least tried it. My belief is that if she is not turned on by it now she won't be in the future but you never know.

Good luck.

Perhaps you need to talk to your wife about it. Ask her why she thinks it is gay to taste your own juices? There is nothing gay about that. Maybe if you talked with her about this, she might see that it isn't homosexual. However, chances are she just doesn't want to do it and is making excuses to not do it. If that's the case, you can't change that. However, if it's female power play that turns you on, why not talk to her about that? I'm sure she won't think that is 'gay'.

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Seems a bit weird to me!

South American

I have the same turn ons about cleaning up my wife after I've cum all over her. I brought the idea up to her one night and she seemed to think the whole idea was gross. I still haven't given it a try but I think one of these days I'll pull out during doggy and cum all over her ass and small of her back. That way I can just lean over and do it and see what happens

Nevermind me. I'm just a bi-curious pervert surfing the net.

Only nag her about it if you don't have any qualms with destroying emotional intimacy. When you bug a woman to try something she isn't comfortable with, the message you're sending is, "Fulfilling my desires is more important to me than your feelings, and I am a selfish bastard who will not hesitate to put my desires ahead of your feelings." Send the message that you don't fully respect her feelings and you've started hammering nails into the coffin in which your sex life may someday reside...healthy emotional intimacy is a precursor to healthy sexual intimacy for (most) women.

Dreama is right on, you should discuss it with her, and broach the subject in a no-pressure, non-judgmental, caring and considerate manner for best results. Perhaps you could put it into perspective...Has she ever sucked your cock after you've vaginally penetrated her? Has she ever kissed you after you've gone down on her? If she's tasted her own juices and is comfortable with her sexual orientation, then maybe that will help her better understand that sharing sexual fluids doesn't make anyone homosexual.

You could also explain your motivations for wanting to do it (ask her if she'd be willing to set aside preconceived judgments and hear you out for the moment). This may entail spending a little time thinking about why the activity appeals to you; the more detailed your explanation, the better. Finally, ask her if rather than wholesale condemnation of the activity, if she could please take some time--this is very important: however long she needs--to think it over, and to let you know if she changes her mind about trying it in the future. Ask her to promise to tell you if she changes her mind. Some women will refuse to even think it over if they feel pressured--it's a knee-jerk defense mechanism. Oftentimes people will sense the manipulation, it will seem like you're trying to control their behavior, whenever you attempt to coax them into doing something (for good reason, it is controlling), and this raises alarms deep in the psyche (it does if you're a psychologically healthy person, at any rate), and feeling threatened will cause a person to want to defend themselves. She may outright condemn the activity as "gross" if she feels threatened/pressured, whereas she may give it some consideration, at least remain open to the possibility of wanting to do it someday, if she doesn't feel pressured.

It's all in the approach. The respectful approach is not only more likely to get results, it's also going to prevent bad feelings (like resentment, if she gives in just to oblige you) from occurring and preserve emotional intimacy.

Good luck to you.

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

Thanks for the feedback. Seriously, I'm always grateful to anyone who cares enough to offer any help to me. Having said that however, I think some of you may have your own preconceived notions about what I was asking and how I was about to handle it. I really don't think a 100 word paragraph lecture on "not nagging and pressuring my wife" was needed. Who said anything about nagging or pressuring my wife? The advice was totaly sound...but sorry, just not needed :-)

Regarding my wife, clearly, I was only asking about ways I may be able to help my wife believe the desire has noting to do with being gay, which is one of the stumbling blocks in our way. I have NO problem not being able to try that if it's something she's against. I do have a problem if the only reason she's against it if it's because she think it's gay of me. I'm also aware of all possible scapegoat issues but I can assure you, she actually does think it's gay (as in homosexual).

Having said that, I was happy to see Bluesy put her two cents in but not in the way I hoped. I know Bluesy is one of people in here that also enjoys this kind of thing so I thought she may be able to provide one (of many possible perspectives, I know) female perspective on why this is a turn on. I thought that might help me understand it better myself, and therefore be better able to help my wife understand me regarding this. I also thought I might show her the thread so she can read first hand what others think of the subject.

Bluesy, if you'd be so kind as to provide some insight into that in a way that's totally honest, perhaps it may help my wife and I both to better understand things so we can move forward...or not...for the right reasons.

Thanks again everybody!

Nobody said you were nagging your wife. But you've got to put things into perspective. Many men come on the forums, looking for ways to make or trick their wives into doing things they aren't inclined to do. People always suggest being respectful and loving to the lady in their lives in case they don't know already, as a precautionary measure. So, really, you asked for advice, and you got it. Next time, give more information. How did anyone know you didn't nag or pressure your wife to try it? We don't. Tell us next time, man. My goodness!

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

We get so many "How do I talk my wife/gf/SO into doing this?" type of threads, I guess I'm now posting on auto pilot No offense meant, hon. 'Twas nothing personal, I promise.

Not to mention, sometimes "precautionary measures" (as Dreama stated below) come in handy.

This is probably very difficult for a guy to relate to...if you discovered that your wife had "lesbian tendencies", it probably wouldn't bother you; in fact, it might even excite you (and before you jump to conclusions, I'm not in any way associating shared sexual fluids with bisexuality). Women sometimes feel threatened by the prospect of homosexual leanings in their guy. I can't explain it very well, but there seems to be an irrational fear that a woman will never be "enough" for him and he'll commit adultery, to disappointment in having to reevaluate whether or not he's still "manly" enough for her (gay male homophobia is still a very deeply entrenched evil in our culture). Unfortunately, anything that seems remotely gay can compromise a man's virility in some women's eyes (you can blame hundreds of years of Judeo-Christian brainwashing for that).

What I'm getting at is that while you and I both know that licking cum off of a woman's body is no indicator of sexual orientation, there is that implicit line of thinking: Gay men give BJs, gay men swallow cum...if my partner wants to have anything to do with cum, that must mean he's gay and craving sex with a man! (Or, he isn't straight and is craving sex with a man.) That's not a correlation that is easily overcome. If the two of you watch more hetero porn in the future where this activity is incorporated, that would be a good way to combat the stereotype.

Why it's a turn-on for me...that visual of a man "cleaning up his mess" (or sharing a snowball) is incredibly romantic to me (it's the grandest gesture a man can make as far as clean-up goes...it's that personal touch that makes it so sweet), and sharing sexual fluids just adds an extra element of intimacy. It's a turn-on because you're turning a typically one-sided activity (cum swallowing) into a mutual experience. Why does it turn a guy on when a woman swallows? It's a gesture of acceptance...well, it kinda spoils things when a guy thinks his cum is good enough for his partner but not good enough for him When he demonstrates his acceptance of his own sexual fluids, it reinforces the idea that it is truly something special. It becomes a bonding activity. And there's something very maternal about snowballing cum to a guy...offering something special to someone you love. I guess you could think of it as an "offering", and one that is best shared, IMO

Don't know if I explained that very well or if it will help the cause, but there you have it.

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

I don't think it's gay for a man to lick his own jizz off of me, but I do think it's a bit nasty and have never had a man do it. Snowballing grosses me out to no end, but I've never done that either. I guess cum isn't all that special to me. Yes, I swallow, but I don't think there's anything "romantic" about it or injesting it.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Geez, you have no romance in your soul, CL The potential for creating new life resides in that creamy little package of man goo...that deserves at least a little reverence, no?

*Learn About STIs/STDs* *STD Fact Sheets*

The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

My old man's spunk is swimmer free, so no, it's not worthy of worship.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Ooh, I've heard that sperm-free tastes great (and is less filling). Any truth to the rumor?

*Learn About STIs/STDs* *STD Fact Sheets*

The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

Hey Bluesy,

That's the relevant (and because of it, helpful) information I knew you could provide...you know, after you tried to warn me against trying for manipulate my wife into doing what I like "because I'm a typical jerk and It's all about me"

haha...but all kidding aside, thanks, I really mean that.

Not being a moderator and only visiting once in a while, I was not aware you get a lot of guys here with that self-centered "prick-like" point of view. As an officiall member of the male sex however, I can't say I'm surprised to hear that. So, considering it all, sure I can understand you posting on auto pilot a little. Anyway, "nuff said" as they say.

Thanks for taking the time to explain why you like that act. I'd like my wife to read this all. I think it may help us understand each other a bit better and that's always a good thing. As mentioned in my post, I DO want to talk to my wife and I'm trying but I think she may be less nervous and defensive reading about my thoughts third-party style. More specifically about your thoughts Bluesy, it's like you took the words right out of my mouth, right down to the romance, intimacy, acceptance gesture, etc... The funny thing is that licking my cum from my wife's pussy and especially off her boobs and neck, is insanely erotic but snowballing is about the most gross thing to me :-) Go figure!?!?

It's actually leading me to an interesting point though. If my wife told me that snowballing would really turn her on, I would do it every now and then, and I imagine, I may even learn to enjoy it. (and believe me, it's hard for me to imagine). More specifically, I would not mind a little pressure (A LITTLE) from her for me to do things I may not want to at first or even from time to time. I'll be the first to admit there are a lot of things, both sexually and otherwise, that I once hated or even looked down upon, but now truly enjoy. I am so grateful I had a SO in my past that gently and lovingly helped me to push through what turned out to be some useless limits. Obviously, not every limit is useless. Some are there to protect us from some real emotional damage but there should be some moderation and balance too. We need to trust our SO's know us and have our best interest in mind. Life is sweeter that way for sure. Obviously, this depends on your SO actually being a great person, I'll admit.

All this talk of "respecting boundaries" makes me realize that having BLIND respect for all boundaries can have the potential to be quite problematic too, in it's own way. I have no time tonight, but perhaps I start a new post soon titled "Beware the BLIND respect of boundaries - Both your own and your partners". I'm sure I'll take a beating or two (perhaps from you Bluesy :-)) but I'll risk it for the sake of personal growth and truth ;-) Besides this is fun and informative!

If your wife is up for reading this thread, I imagine it would be pretty edifying. In fact, I'd kinda had the thought that it would be nice if she was interested in learning more...and what a great way to open the channels of communication about sexual topics, sharing things you've read on the net about them

Some people don't mind a little pressure...from what you stated earlier about your desire to engage in submissive play, to be "bossed around" a bit, that doesn't surprise me in the least. Some people want to be directed in bed, even if there's some resistance on their part in the beginning, the process of being firmly guided by someone who's in control, instructed in what to do, even, can be deeply satisfying on an unconscious level. With that in mind, I hope you'll understand that this is a...whatever you want to call it...sexual personality trait?...that may not be shared by your wife. It could be that a little pressure would have the opposite effect on her and facilitate resentment, instead. This is how the "average" human psyche responds (if people have spent their formative years learning that they're allowed to have boundaries and it's normal to expect people to respect them...this doesn't always happen in dysfunctional families, alas). Personally speaking, I had to learn that it was Ok to have boundaries because I grew up in a dysfunctional home, so they're something I guard closely...I now realize that a person who truly respects me will take my feelings into consideration, that they will treat them like a valuable treasure, that they will put those feelings ahead of something as trivial as sexual gratification. Who doesn't want to know that their feelings are more important to their spouse than a sexual activity? I sure want to know that I rank higher on the priority scale. Just saying.

What I said about "wholesale condemnation" earlier...there's nothing wrong with asking a person to at least keep an open mind (so long as they're aware that they have the freedom to make that decision in a pressure-free environment, including the freedom to never be OK with a particular act). People sometimes do change their mind about things in their own time. I know I sure have! I never say "no way, Jose'" to anything (unless I have damn good reason)...I leave the door open to the possibility that I may someday want to try something that is beyond my present comfort level. Two years ago I thought water sports were shockingly disgusting and it's something I never would've tried at that point in time. Today, I still think it's weird as hell, and I don't know how I would feel in that situation, but it's something I'd be willing to try. People undergo their own sexual metamorphoses all the time. Life is fluid, personality, values, interests are fluid...you have to go with the flow Conversely, you can't force the flow to change direction...it has to happen naturally for an activity/decision/relationship/etc. to be authentically right for a person.

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.