21 years old, and still a virgin!

Not sure if this helps at all, but I probably beat you when it comes to being the opposite of a ladies man. I was nearly 23 (!) before I had my sexual debut, and when it happened, it was with a call-girl. I never really had a problem with my looks, I was never chubby, I was always polite, and yes, I was a nerd. I always felt a little uncomfortable at parties. I also had a bad tendency to fall for slightly older girls (one or two years older), while at the same time, I looked younger than I was (people thought I was 16 when I was 18 etc). Not a good combination, particularly when most girls prefer slightly older guys. I also had some idealized notions of what my girlfriend would be like, but who doesn't. I was actually more interested in a romantic relationship than most of the other guys.

In the end, I sort of gave up and grew a bit cynical. I didn't give a damn if people thought strippers and call girls were for losers. Far all I knew, I would never have a girlfriend, so to hell with what people thought. The girls (sex workers) appreciated my politeness though. I was extremely careful, so I went with a call-girl who made it very clear that she emphasized hygiene. I can't really recommend this approach, though. I actually fell in love with a cute stripper, and had a bit of a breakdown when she left the country. What did help was that I wasn't as shy around women anymore. The next time I met a girl I liked, I actually flirted in a slightly naughty way (nothing rude though, or so I think), rather than my previous over-polite hand-kissing. I married her a year later

Most excellent post, Trond.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Wow, thanks! I was half expecting someone to wag their fingers in my face for admitting that I bought sex from call-girls. Meanwhile, buying sex (not selling) has become illegal in my home country (Norway), due to groups of people stating that men who go to prostitutes really are the abusive kind of guys who like to dominate women. Prostitution was actually re-defined as a kind of sexual abuse. I had a bit of a shock when this happened, because I always felt that the two times I went to prostitutes, the girls were more in charge than I. I still remember what the girl told me when I left: "I know that you would like to have a girlfriend, but look at the bright side: if you come to me, you can have sex whenever you want, just give me a call". Now that I am married, I kinda see her point .

dear BobtheBulider.....i've sent you a personal message with a link to my clip...know that the clip is made by a girl who goes CRAZY at the thought of a guy who isn't good with girls! a virgin who doesnt get out much....perfect!
**link removed**
so...you should have fun, just promise you'll make a little deviant like me happy and find one of us virgin lovers for your first! guarantee she'll blow your mind if she's like me!

Bassdude....what kind of a bass is that,look's a little like an SD curlee, but not quite the right shape?

I was reading this post and although I am a couple of years late (story of my life! haha) I just had to throw this out there.

First of, Makesmewonder - worry not! I always find that shy boys are the most caring boys there are. Personally I am always attracted to the shy ones and bringing them out of their shell while getting to know them is one of the best things there are. As for being geeky like you were told - geeks are the new best thing. And there is NOTHING sexier than a man who knows what he wants, where he wants to get in life and has brains to act on it! Lastly, I really don't think there is anything wrong with being a virgin. I'll be honest - I am 19 and still am after my first year of University and it's not for the lack of guys that tried. But that's just me. A lot of guys (sorry if I'm overstepping here) think that having had sex with lots of different women is awesome, I actually find it intimidating! You can never know what they might have caught or anyting on the practical level and also you might always feel like you can't measure up to them. It can be scary. So don't be scared or anything, you will find a good girl that will be patient with you


Bobthebuilder, absolute admiration right now. Now I've finished my first year I have encountered far too many guys that think that because they're good looking they can play about - sleep with everyone and anyone and not care. That assumption is rather disturbing. And the fact that you haven't hooked up with many girls before could mean that you haven't pick up any "bad habits" (of lack of a better phrase) and you'll just get to know your partner and what she might like when it comes to it.

Just enjoy it

Pssh you don't have to be a nice guy/unconfident/ugly guy to be a virgin. Case and point, me . I'm so intelligent and good looking that I don't think any girl is worthy of my attention, thus if a girl really wants to fuck me she has to work for it, which with today's gender roles most girls don't have the initiative to do. So I get blowjobs now and then when I feel like it and rub one out daily to keep me sane. I'm an interesting psychological profile though, the average virgin wants to have sex but can't because of their own inadequacies. You just have to think you're the shit and take what you want and you'll have it my friend, regardless of if you are really worthy of it or not. Trade in your social anxiety for narcissism, they are surprisingly similar, you just have to tweek your psyche a bit.

Don't you have a clue what an arrogant ass you sound like? Really man, all you do is blow your own horn. Seems to me that with an attitude like yours it's the women you meet that aren't putting out because YOU are a bore/not worthy/*insert pathetic excuse for not getting laid here*, not the other way around.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Did you mean case IN point? You were saying what about your intelligence?

I don't know if the OP or repliers will be reading this anytime soon, but I'll contribute anyway.

I really don't like to toot my own horn, but I'll mention a bit for the sake of comparisson that I hope will help some nice gentlemen who think that they are abnormal for being virgins at their age.

My whole high school career I was involved in several martial arts, football, and track. I've also been a dark Italian that has 6pack abs, 2 black belts, and icy blue eyes since I was 15. Every one of my classmates knew me and I didn't have any shortage of girlfriend or sexual prospects. I was also a huge Geek. I was 3 year captain of the Science Academic Team (Nerd Medal- I know). I was my Guild's (Heros) Game Master at least every other week. I was a Halo star and loved to read science fiction (Orson Scott Card).

I was a virgin until I was 21.

I just didn't feel like messing around with sex until I felt like I was ready for it; and there is nothing-NOTHING "too old" about being a 21 or even a 28 year old virgin if you aren't ready for sex. I did the whole "Dude why aren't you getting laid?" thing all the way through high school and half of college; and survived just fine. I just didn't want to deal with it. There were other things I wanted to focus on. And I was definitely NOT one of my two friends who got their girlfriends pregnant and became fathers by the time they were 19.

Now at the same time, I would say that about half of the people I regularly hung out with were ladies. I went on dates a LOT, had girlfriends, and engaged in some sexually gratifying acts with them, but just wasn't ready for sex, so I abstained. Don't let anyone have control over your own life. You decide your destiny. If you think you aren't ready to have sex; Don't. And own it. Don't feel ashamed of it.

The OP sounds like he has decided that he's ready for sex and he's making a hell of a run at it. He lost over 40 lbs in an effort to get in shape, making himself healthier and more physically appealing; a very good first step. But the thing that most nice guys tend to forget is that women are just people too. They respond when you speak to them, they like to talk and go out to do stuff. A LOT of them like the same things you do (my first girlfriend was our resident fire mage / a varsity cheerleader / and knew her way around a pistol.) Once you understand this, simply having random conversations with women will alleviate some of your tension and give you some confidence; and help lead you down that path in due time.

Women are people just like guys are. They are just prettier to look at.

~Steve

!

I'm not sure if the original poster still posts here or not, but I'd just like to say this. There was a time (in the spring of 2008) when I weighed around 203 pounds. By that fall, I was only 168 pounds. I lost all of that weight by just riding my bike all over town. So if you think that's what is holding you back, try something of that nature. I also altered my diet a bit (cut back on cake/cupcakes/cookies/doughnuts) and I've found that while I still enjoy those things, I don't just sit around devouring them like I did when I was a younger teenager.

Personally, I'm a 19 year old virgin...will be 19 and a half in about 6 weeks. It's really frustrating (for me at least) but all I can tell you is just try to position yourself. I'm not repulsive in any way. I think I could do very well with the ladies, I'm just never around them. Months go by feeling like weeks, and the year has gone by feeling like just a couple of months at the most. It's crazy to think about, but I too could be a 21 year old virgin before I think about it. And like you (I'm assuming), I'm not religious freak, anti-sex guy or otherwise a prude that would oppose sex.

Young Gun,

Without making any guesses as to your character or tendencies, most young men who don't have much interaction time with females have generally replaced that chunk of their daily or weekly time with something else that they don't necessarily see as conflicting (school activities, sports, compulsive studying, gaming, sticking to a very tight knit network of friends, etc...) Engaging in these replacement activities daily ensures very little contact, and also ensures very little variance in routine. Every day seems pretty much the same and they seem to fly by rapidly. Only by breaking the unhealthy balance of replacement activities can some of them begin to engage in relationships that they otherwise did not "have the time for".

I am just curious if this sounds familiar to you at all. It sure was for several of my friends. And from the way you speak of it, you sound like a nice guy who's just got an unhelpful routine that's holding you back.

Hope this helps.
~Steve

Me: Um, are you okay Baby?
Her: Hin... hit... ...an'... sheets... ...hummm...

Me: ...I'll take that as a yes.
9-26-2010

You ARE evil

Thanks for the kind words, man. In some ways, it sounds familiar. Especially the part about everyday being exactly the same...that's right on the money. The thing is is, I'm not really busy. It's just that I'm kind of trapped to be honest. I don't have a car and license (yet), can't find a job in this economy and let's just say my neighborhood isn't the best one to live in if you're 19 years old and interested in the ladies.

I feel like this past year or so has taught me a lot, and that's not to take any opportunities for granted. A few years ago, there were several girls that liked me, but I never really "did" anything about it. I was just always too shy and figured "there will be tomorrow". But you know, now that I know what it's like to never be around women my age I will take a different approach in the future...just don't know when that future will be.

Thanks.

Just my two cents....

It seemed like back in high school, there was an abundant supply of attractive, single females. I finally found one that I wanted to date, and bam! I had a girlfriend. We both were saving our virginity for marriage, we both were in the relationship for marriage.... and we both realized that getting married while in college just wasn't wise.

Fast-forward to 5 years later. I'm almost out of college, one semester to go. She starts getting flaky and acting like a different person. One night, she decides to cheat on me, and bam! No girlfriend.

At that point, I was essentially in the same boat as you, except I had emotional baggage too. Where did all those girls from high school go? Half were married (some already divorced and remarried), some were pregnant, some were still living out their college fantasies. I had no way to meet women, no friends that were interested in hooking me up... So I just started talking to people, making new friends, working on my emotional baggage, etc.

It took 2 years before I met anyone that I even considered dating. The first girl wouldn't let go of her ex, even though she was interested in me. The next girl said yes to a date, but then got cold feet and came up with a lame excuse to cancel. I found out later that her ex had turned into a stalker near the end of their relationship, so she had some trust issues with men.

Finally, I "gave into" the advances of a girl that had been pursuing me on and off for about 6 months. I had been hesitant, not because she wasn't beautiful or smart or fun, but because I didn't think we would be compatible.

My advice: meet new people. Don't write off old people. Take chances. It worked for me. The girl that I hesitated on for 6 months turned out to be perfect for me, and soon we will be married. We are both virgins, and we both view it as a positive thing.