Adult Child living at home

Bucky: you and your wife need to re-establish your commitment to each other. Her resolve to give an ultimatum to her son is spot-on, as he needs to know that he is no longer the epitome of his mommy's life. Once he realizes that he is not her "little boy" any more, things will take on a whole new perspective for him.
If he is not in counseling/intervention, he will have to come to this realization himself. But regardless, you and your lovely wife MUST move on. There is nothing further either of you can do for him. Trust me - I've died a million deaths trying to save my daughter. Know what has opened her eyes? Us turning a cold, harsh, blind eye.
She now lives in the projects. We brought her up relatively well-to-do. But she's in the projects. Do I hate it? Hell yeah! She's got my 2 grandsons living there!! Two days ago, a kid, not much older than my oldest grandson got shot in crossfire - died on the spot. Do I hate it? My heart cries nightly!!
But there comes a time when you (and your wife's) responsibility take s a backseat to letting your child find their way and make their decisions. It's the`hardest thing parents have to do. But it HAS to be done!

Just be glad you're not witnessing your precious grandchildren suffering. If you're luckier than Thorn & I, you'll never have to call to make sure your grandchildren are alive. Do it now!!

When I was a teenager, we didn't have MTV.
We had to take drugs and go to Rock Concerts!

She is going to give him the choice of getting help or getting out. I and his brother and sister know he will never go for help so we're sure he is out. He can't hold a job that he's getting paid so he'll never stick with any kind of counseling. He has a real bad attitude with authority which is another reason he'd never make it in therapy.

It finally sank into my wife when I explained he is 35, young enough to get his life together, but if something happened to us in 15 years or so how would he cope at 50.
I also told her if something happened to her, truly God forbid, that I would kick his ass to the curb immediately.
She is very intelligent, and love blinded her, but reason won out. I hope.

Rose, I am so sorry about your daughter. She chose that life, like my son, but your grandkids didn't. I'm sick just thinking what it must be like for you and Thorn.

I did my share of drugs, but I never let them rule me or my life. What I looked at as recreational these kids are making a way of life. It scares the hell out of me.

When a woman wants a man and lusts after him, the lover need not bother to conjure up opportunities, for she will find more in an hour than we men could think of in a century.

Eandvk, thanks for the offer but we have all the cookwear we need and my wife is a whiz cooking outdoors. In fact, she does all the grilling. I hate it.

We need to hook up sometime and do some serious angling. We are up for weekend fishing trips all the time.

I imagine a lot of people didn't pipe in, in April, because like you said, the advice I got was right on. I showed my wife the posts and after being pissed about me being on a sex forum she thought about what was being said and how serious I was about the problem.

I know what you are saying about the only one who can help him is him, but even his mom sees what the drugs have done to his brain and ability to make decisions. She can't watch him do this to himself anymore, it's making her physically ill and that is why even she says he has to go.

When a woman wants a man and lusts after him, the lover need not bother to conjure up opportunities, for she will find more in an hour than we men could think of in a century.

I'll toss out one thought here Bucky: If you think the person is a thread to himself or someone else, you can have them committed for treatment. If you can substantiate this possibility, perhaps you guys could force him to get treatment? I don't know how this thought would sit with you or your wife, but I'd feel irresponsible if I didn't at least toss out the thought.

BD

Look for Wicked Truth's release "Into You" on iTunes, Rhapsody, Amazon, Napster, and eMusic.

OK, guys I need help. We've been back from vacation for 2 weeks and she hasn't approached the kid about leaving.
I've been PMing a dear friend who suggested I write a letter to her expressing my views, because I will get way too emotional and may forget something that needs to be said. What do you think of that idea?

Couseling will be my next route. I'm not against the idea just would rather not if I can avoid it. That would be a last ditch effort.

BD, he is not really a threat to anybody other than he's throwing his life away.

I really love my wife and the last thing I want to do is hurt her in any way.

The letter idea sounds good because I can give it to her and leave while she reads it and then we can discuss it like we do everything else. I'm not worried about getting into a fight because we just don't do that, at all, it's just I know I will break down and forget everthing I want to say. This is one of the most emotional situations I've been in.(asking a mother to toss her kid on the street)

I know I'll get good advice from the forum. Thanks in advance, it really means a lot to me.

When a woman wants a man and lusts after him, the lover need not bother to conjure up opportunities, for she will find more in an hour than we men could think of in a century.

if i was in your position id be out of there. i kind of know the situation ( i think ) my older half sister lives with her mum and is into drugs. i can see the family suffering as this leech is using the house for somewhere to sleep and smoke. i am really against it...

advice wise i think its time for him to go by the sound of it... you really love this woman obviously for sticking up with this situation, and you should explain to her and say it's either him or you leaving the house. She should be with you all the way shouldn't she?

is she happy with all these drugs being consumed by her son in her house?

http://img246.imageshack.us/img246/3717/emmsigis1.png

She wants him to go into rehab, but as previously stated he won't and at 35 we can't make him. She is not happy at all about the drugs and fears if she kicks him out he will spiral down and end up dead.

I know that if I absolutely tell her it's either he leaves or I leave she will choose for him to go, but I don't want to put her in that situation unless I have to and it is getting very close to that.

You've seen what it's done to your parents. Would you want your dad to leave your mum because of your sister? Kind of the same situation here. Why haven't they just tossed her to the curb?

When a woman wants a man and lusts after him, the lover need not bother to conjure up opportunities, for she will find more in an hour than we men could think of in a century.

Bucky, I think writing a letter to your wife about your son, your feelings, thoughts and wishes is a very wise choice.....that way you wont exclude anything you want to or have to say. Often times the written word is much more powerful and better digested by the receiver than the spoken word. Also allowing your wife to read it alone and letting her "soak" it all in is a good idea before you both sit down and discuss the content of the letter.

My best to you Bucky ,and your wife during this stressful time....
eandvk

Thanks, that is pretty much verbatim what my PM friend said.

BTW, we're heading over to Pawpaw fishing next weekend. The UP trip was kind of bad since the minnows hatched out 2 days before we got there. Got a few perch and rock bass that we brought home. The most fun were the smallies, but we always release em' cause the meats too mushy for my taste. Which lake do you fish in Pawpaw?

When a woman wants a man and lusts after him, the lover need not bother to conjure up opportunities, for she will find more in an hour than we men could think of in a century.

We fished in /on Paw Paw Lake in Watervliet,MI....it was crappy as hell....from the boat we caught absolutely nothing, and from the pier we caught some perch, sunfish and a few smallmouths , all tossed back for lack of size......the funny thing was, at early morning and sunset time the fish were jumping like crazy, and they were big ones too....oh well, just couldnt land em,tried everything , worms and in tackle box...even talked to local who recommended tackle/lures and fish spots..but no luck.......anyway, gonnna try the Chain O' Lakes this weekend now that the water has receded.

Bucky, I think the letter is an excellent, excellent idea.

If your wife wants to get him into rehab, I would suggest that you seriously consider having him committed and forcing him into rehab. If he is putting his own life at risk in any way by his drug use (which you could probably say is true if it's anything harder than a little weed, which I gather it is), I'd think you can definitely make a case for "danger to himself", which is what is required in most states to force commitment to a treatment facility. It'll take some really tough love, but maybe it's better than just throwing him out on the streets? You guys will have to decide that, but I would tend to think it's an option. You and your wife could also give him a final ultimatum..."get into rehab or get out" if you think there's any possibility that might work.

Man, I feel for you...this is such a toxic situation, and there just is no easy or "right" answer.

BD

Look for Wicked Truth's release "Into You" on iTunes, Rhapsody, Amazon, Napster, and eMusic.

Bucky, I agree what everyone has said, the friend that gave you the idea to write a letter to your wife must be very wise indeed. I bet she/he is also very good looking and charming as well. Am I right?

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover