head & heart hurting over size :(

Dreama · 05-04-08

I'm pretty darn certain that nobody was trying to be overtly antagonistic....When somebody gets that defensive about a topic for basically no reason, (we weren't saying anything mean or revolutionary...Just that he needed to change his views) that means that they are insecure about the attitude they defend. If he truly thought he were in the right, would he so sorely need our approval? I bet not. He'd leave here and go on doing whatever he thought was best. I don't think it's exactly fair of someone to ask for our collective opinions and then get angry at our advice.

Golfbuddy · 05-04-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goldenlion

Some of you might know about me from previous posts, well i did manage to come to terms with my gf's past and im cool with it now after a lot of talking.
I have one problem and it seems to be the only issue which i have at the moment.
It does in a way involve my girlfriends past, but its not the actual past situation which bothers me.

Basically, one of the guys she has been with in the past had a dick which is way bigger then mine.

Well, you could always keep her around so long as she's not causing you grief ... but I wouldn't marry, or enter into any legally binding arrangement with her, ever. Resolve this now. Write in on paper somewhere, and take it out and re-read it every time you feel yourself wavering in the future.

These days, with divorce courts being as they are, a man can't be too careful. And sadly, it's generally true that where there is smoke there is fire, and the seven year itch is often where guys end up getting screwed. Her temperament doesn't bode well for a high probability of success for a lifelong relationship.

Which is not to say she doesn't have her purpose in your life.

So keep it simple. Make it so that in case it turns you'd be better off without her, all you have to do is change the locks. Don't let her trick you into making any commitments you won't be able to keep. Because rest assured, in case of marriage (or anything legally approximating it) as a male, your so-called "obligations" to her will be held legally enforceable under threat of imprisonment (a form of assault), whereas her commitments to you will be regarded as mere words, things silly and mentally incompetent people say to one another when they are not thinking clearly.

We all understand, you're a red-blooded male. That makes it hard not to stick your * into her. But you can compartmentalize.

My current girlfriend was not a virgin when I met her (at 28), but nearly so. Early in our relationship, when a male friend of mine kept badgering me, by insinuating that we must of had sex by now. My answer was no. I told him if she had put out on the first date, I probably would have lost interest in her. He asked incredulously, "c'mon, you wouldn't have had sex with her?" I hadn't really thought about it, and paused for a while without saying anything. He interrupted the silence and offered... "Oh I see. You *would* have had sex with her, you just wouldn't have called her back the next day." I thought about it for a minute and realized he had it exactly right.

Keep yourself amused, but it's not like you have to make her the object of your affection for life. I'm not sure she has the temperament. In the mean time, keep your eyes open. There are still a couple women out there who do not use sex to their advantage. They may be rarer still by every day, but the minute you find one, jump ship on whatever you have, because shell be worth it. Trust me, I know.

Dreama · 05-04-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Golfbuddy

Well, you could always keep her around so long as she's not causing you grief ... but I wouldn't marry, or enter into any legally binding arrangement with her, ever. Resolve this now. Write in on paper somewhere, and take it out and re-read it every time you feel yourself wavering in the future.

These days, with divorce courts being as they are, a man can't be too careful. And sadly, it's generally true that where there is smoke there is fire, and the seven year itch is often where guys end up getting screwed. Her temperament doesn't bode well for a high probability of success for a lifelong relationship.

Which is not to say she doesn't have her purpose in your life.

So keep it simple. Make it so that in case it turns you'd be better off without her, all you have to do is change the locks. Don't let her trick you into making any commitments you won't be able to keep. Because rest assured, in case of marriage (or anything legally approximating it) as a male, your so-called "obligations" to her will be held legally enforceable under threat of imprisonment (a form of assault), whereas her commitments to you will be regarded as mere words, things silly and mentally incompetent things people say to one another when they are not thinking clearly.

We all understand, you're a red-blooded male. That makes it hard not to stick your * into her. But you can compartmentalize.

My current girlfriend was not a virgin when I met her (at 28), but nearly so. Early in our relationship, when a male friend of mine kept badgering me by insinuating that we must of had sex by now.. my answer was no, and I told him if she had put out on the first date, I probably would have lost interest in her. He asked incredulously, "c'mon, you wouldn't have had sex with her?" I hadn't really thought about it, and paused for a while, and he said.."Oh I see. You *would* have had sex with her, you just wouldn't have called her back the next day." I thought about it for a minute and realized he had it exactly right.

Keep yourself amused, but it's not like you have to make her the object of your affection for life. I'm not sure she has the temperament. In the mean time, keep your eyes open. There are still a couple women out there who do not use sex to their advantage. They may be rarer still by every day, but the minute you find one, jump ship on whatever you have, because shell be worth it. Trust me, I know.

Wow...I love how it's alright for you to have sex with people and to enjoy sex with people, but how it isn't alright for a women to have sex with other people. That's exactly what's fucked up with society.

Golfbuddy · 05-04-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dreama

Wow...I love how it's alright for you to have sex with people and to enjoy sex with people, but how it isn't alright for a women to have sex with other people. That's exactly what's fucked up with society.

I never said what is and isn't alright. Have sex with whomever you want. Heck, if you live in a state without common law marriage, it should be okay to even live with whomever you want.

I'm just saying, with the family courts being what they are, it is not in the man's self interest to enter into any legal arrangements unless the woman has a respectable temperament.

Even aside from what happens in divorce, for example, with family courts in most states assuming that the child born to a married woman is legally the child of the husband, even when the husband isn't the father at all, a reasonable man can hardly afford an excess of adventuresome spirit in his legally bound companion.

Hopefully, by the end of the next couple decades, marriage as a legal institution will be eroded until the state fails to legally recognize it at all. It could well be marginalized as a mere religious / spiritual arrangement rather than a legal one, which by rights should be its usual place.

Until then, what you recommend makes little sense.

Golfbuddy · 05-04-08

A woman will most of all like it when a man follows his "heart" (his limbic lobe, the most primitive region of his brain). Failing that, she may tolerate him thinking with his dick. Least of all, will she like it if he thinks with his cortex.

Every woman knows, there are guys you might date and guys you might marry, and they're not necessarily the same types of guys. Obviously, the same applies to women, and guys should not be confused about it.

Dreama · 05-04-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Golfbuddy

A woman will most of all like it when a man follows his "heart" (his limbic lobe, the most primitive region of his brain). Failing that, she may tolerate him thinking with his dick. Least of all, will she like it if he thinks with his cortex.

Well, if you're only talking about temperament, I hope anyone would be able to use their judgment in picking a mate that has a temperament that fits their lifestyle. But when you use a person's sexual past as judgment for a person's 'temperament', you're using a terribly fucked up mode of judging. What I'm not cool with is all of the chauvinistic ideas you have about how women think and feel. If you don't use your good judgment in picking a person that is compatible with you, or in if you don't get rid of a person that your incompatible with, that's your own fault, and you cannot really blame only the woman for that. Furthermore, the sweeping generalizations you make about are truly appalling.

Golfbuddy · 05-05-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dreama

Dude, you can't impose your morals on someone else.

No, but you can leave for more comfortable pastures...

Dreama · 05-05-08

Yes, certainly you can. Which is what I could recommend to this guy, instead of calling his girlfriend a whore and punishing her for no reason.

Barbwire · 05-05-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cowboy Lover

As odd as this may sound, I don't think your problem has anything to do with your g/f or the man she slept with. I think it goes much deeper than that. I have a feeling that if this issue didn't come up, you would still have found something to make you feel insecure and apprehensive about yourself.

Think back to your life as you've lived it thus far. Are there times when you have been accused of blowing things all out of proportion? Have you felt defensive and worrisome about other things? I bet you have.

Now, instead of obsessing about the issue at hand, perhaps you should find a way of learning to CHANGE whatever it is within you that makes you have these self-destructive feelings. I think you will need help, and not the kind you will get here. You need to seek professional help and find a person that is trained to aid you. IMHO.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cowboy Lover

Hon, if you don't understand what I said, and you can't relate to it, then there's nothing more than I can say. All I know is, your way of thinking is something that developes as you go through life, each experience teaches you in one way or another. I don't think that what is going on with you now is something that just came out of the clear blue sky; I think there's more to it than that. "Nuff said.

Thanks for proving my point, Goldenlion.

Puss_in_boots · 05-05-08

Enough is enough. The OP has managed to get himself banned.

Thread closed.