please answer

Why is my soon to be brother-in-law such an ass? My ol' man and him fight over the dumbest shit and I told them they needed to chill because my son was sleeping in the other room. Then my ol' man's brother started bitchin' at me. The thing is that I will not be disrespected and I could mess his whole world up. What I'm I supposed to do? Please help.

Kelley

Dear Princess,

I used to fight with my brothers, as you say, over dumb things.

I think I did it mostly to get attention from my parents. I would get started with my brothers, and they would yell at us. Attention is similar to love which is similar to respect.

Of course I can't say your Brother in Law is like me. But if he is, the formula for hadling the fighting is to avoid adding to the pay off, which is emotional reactions from others.

I did not hear the word "Please" in your request. I imagine that your tone of voice betrayed your irritation with their inconsideration.

If you son is sleeping, pin one of his socks above the clock so people know to be considerate. Or some other visible signal, that you would like fighting to be done quietly.

Find ways to boost Brother In Law's self-esteem, so He does not feel he needs the substitute of attention.

Sit down with him, and set up a signal word between you, that the arguing has crossed your line of reasonableness, and you would like him to cut back making his points for now.


ODD is Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and the techniques for those teenagers are helpful.

http://www.docspeak.com

You are speaking in terms of punishment, rather than in terms opportuinities for negotiation.

Here is the negotiation sectin of marriagebuilders. com May have some ideas for you.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt...t=0&Board=UBB3

Blessings

didnt you already post something similler to this or is my mind decifing me

Dear God-1,

Welcome to Sexual Forums.

I feel sad that you are correct that the post I gave to Princess, is similar to the form in which I have responded to some other threads. I feel terrible, that I have not been able to come up with a more original writing style or literary approach to every thread. Ryan and Shellen are dedicated to deleting repetitive writings, to keep SF interesting. You might E-mail them directly to let them know about the inadequately original style of my many posts. I am sure they would be eager to hear your complaints about repetitiveness.

However, in my defense, I will point out a few factors of originality.

I don't believe that I mentioned my fighting with my brothers before, on this Forum. Please do a search and let me know if I am correct.

Secondly, Princess has only one other post, and has recently come to SF. I tried to give her a few paragraphs of a smattering of ideas, so she could post back, in some vein that might be of interest to her. Princess has not posted back, either to thank me for supporting her in a problem that has now solved, or to tell me how wrong I was in the references I provided to her. If she would point out my mistakes, I could re-approach the issues she presents.

I have listed Marriagebuilders. com in the Links Thread under General Sex. docspeak. com has been mentioned in a few of my other posts to help people. I have a thousand posts on marriagebuilders, and I have the CD sets for Dr. Sutton, and have corresponded with him by E-mail. You seem to be expressing the opinion that the references I provided to Princess are irrelevant or useless. If you wish to criticize me, or another poster for a subject not related to the thread starters's topic, it is more courteous to post your comment on a thread started by the individual. Since you made your insulting remarks here, I have answered you here. But this post is off topic. I was unable to find any threads that you have started, so I have sent you a PM, to let you know that I have responded to one of your one-line zingers.

Some threads are self-help threads. I personally feel a sense of challenge and benefit from helping others with their problems, as it helps me find ideas for my own problems. So it is with a selfish interst, really, that I offer help to others. Your primary interst seems to be to get enough posts to get your Avatar on display. Apparently you have no interest in helping those of us who are seeking self-improvement. Your handle God-1, indicates that you have already achieved the pinnacle of performance, and have no problems yourself, and no interest in helping others who might be trying to do better.

However, just as an aside, it might be more courteous to our readers, if you take time to check the spelling on your posts. I re-visit my posts, and read them aloud to myself, to catch grammar and spelling errors. You can re-visit your posts for about up to 6 hours. If you are addressing one person on a thread, it might be more clear to others, if you name the Handle of the poster to whom you are intending to address your comments.

Do you have any suggestions for Princess? Did you have a brother or sister? Did you ever argue over dumb things?

Blessings

I've read some of your 'in depth' posts. Logger. I am impressed! You make me see things from a different viewpoint. You make me think. Thanks a bunch!!


I don't know what to tell 'princess', tho. Families and brothers (and sisters) do fight and argue. It's a fact of life. I try to never carry a 'grudge' and always attempt to understand the other person's point of view. That's about all I know to tell ... sometimes I think my sis is a :tard but really she's not. lol.

My brother & me fought like cats & dogs - but that was when we were kids. Now that we're older, we are best friends. We even vacation together.

Some families are simply dysfunctional. For some reason the family bond never happened. Hopefully, Princess and her new husband will not have to spend a lot of time with this brother. Maybe he just needs to mature a little more, before the family ties can happen.