Can I stop being gay and transsexual?

Bluesy · 01-17-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose

You're drawn to women sexually
You are not drawn to men sexually
That would indicate that you aren't 'gay', by definition.

Sounds like you are what one of our upstanding members here has called "A Lesbian in a Man's Body".

The "Lesbian" part is the fact that you desire a relationship with a woman.
The "in a Man's Body" part is the fact that, though you have a 'penis', you have underlying feminine tendancies/attributes that cause you to enjoy 'feeling' like a woman (perhaps enjoying pretty clothing, stockings, etc.).

There are men just like you who are in loving long-term relationships with a woman, and that women is totally fine with her man uncovering his femininity - even in the bedroom. As far as feeling that, as a man you must be the dominant sexual partner, again - there are women who enjoy being the dominant sexual partner. And that doesn't make them any less a woman.

Obviously, because of your particular tendencies, Your challenge will be in finding that partner. It may be a bit harder, but it CAN be done! In the mean time, I still think you need to talk out your inner turmoil with a professional (which none of us are), because it's hard for ANYONE to enter into a relationship when they have self-image or self-acceptance issues.

Perfect wisdom from a perfect

fantasien · 01-17-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by leonitoo

Do you have any experiences your own or someone elses, is it possible to change your sexuality,when you become gay or transsex, is it possible to change and become heterosexual and male again, in my case, Im male who feels transsexual and gay for many years, but I dont like myself as that, so Im trying to change, I know sth about reparative therapies, but not enough? Im desperate...

Oh my I am in the same boat. Add me to your buddies list.

Sounds lesbian to me. You see, I am feeling the same way. But there are 'Male Lesbians'. cause see, Your sexual feelings are for women. But you have no arousal point to be with men. You see, with gender and sexual identities, Our mind is never binary. As in, it's never a 'straight' Line. It's very dynamic. And how some people, particularly Lesbians, say that Love is Fluid? If something is fluid in my observation, means Always Changing. It's more like a lightning bolt that cuts in between your left and right sides of the brain. Left being female, and right being male.

I have found myself identifying completely with lesbians and shows like the L word, and South of Nowhere. So i know my lengths of femininity. But I also Am attracted and have fantasies that involve me as a male giving penetration. And the same way that two women have sex, (when they 'Bump' into each others pussies, is the act or the sensation of penetration.). I realised that after having sex with a woman for the first time that I am a bottom with women and with men I am a top. That is a good thing because it doesn't always have to be 'Penis concentrated'. Because I can be in control of what happens as a top with men, And because occaisionaly in the morning when i wake up, I hate my penis, and will not want to come in any kind of contact with it. . But with whemen, I enjoy the idea of the sensation of penetrating a woman, but with out actually penetrating her. So, I look at myself as a lesbian.

lesbians, Where more of their minds operate on the 'male' side of the brain. But to all degrees, their gender expression is all over the place. Some very feminine and some almost like males. With gay males, Its more the same, except their minds are more on the female side. So, maybe, your just one of these 'male Lesbians'? I would recommend reading two books, Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstien and PoMoSexuals edited by Carol Queen with preface by Kate Bornstien.

But for me, I am embracing both sides. I present my gender expressions as they are. Mostly Gay male or Effeminate Is something I also feel sometimes. But you don't always have to act on it. If your not able or comfortable to do so, you don't have too. And, I want to Change and become female bodied, But it's also something that I'm slowly working myself into by taking steps.

You are on a good track. Your thoughts are very intriguing.

fantasien · 01-17-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose

You're drawn to women sexually
You are not drawn to men sexually
That would indicate that you aren't 'gay', by definition.

Sounds like you are what one of our upstanding members here has called "A Lesbian in a Man's Body".

The "Lesbian" part is the fact that you desire a relationship with a woman.
The "in a Man's Body" part is the fact that, though you have a 'penis', you have underlying feminine tendancies/attributes that cause you to enjoy 'feeling' like a woman (perhaps enjoying pretty clothing, stockings, etc.).

There are men just like you who are in loving long-term relationships with a woman, and that women is totally fine with her man uncovering his femininity - even in the bedroom. As far as feeling that, as a man you must be the dominant sexual partner, again - there are women who enjoy being the dominant sexual partner. And that doesn't make them any less a woman.

Obviously, because of your particular tendencies, Your challenge will be in finding that partner. It may be a bit harder, but it CAN be done! In the mean time, I still think you need to talk out your inner turmoil with a professional (which none of us are), because it's hard for ANYONE to enter into a relationship when they have self-image or self-acceptance issues.

Rosey, You got it!!! I couldn't have said it better. Although, I provided a little info/Insite into how the brain may be working.

JuicyB · 01-17-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by leonitoo

but I dont like myself as that, so Im trying to change, Im desperate...

There are 2 things you can do with "Mr. Kent B. Dunn". You can obey him, and submit to great big NO. Or you can tell him to fuck off!

Whatever you do, or chose not to do, my advice is NEVER reliquish your free will and majesty of choice!

leonitoo · 01-19-08

It is so hard for me to change my fantasies and sexual identity,it seems that really is out of my control.... I dont know how to start... If I stay with my
trans fantasies Im afraid that I will be no longer able to satisfy woman I will be with...and not even be satisfied myself... It is very chaotic situation... But I wont give up... Im truly sure that I cant live as a gay, and be in emotional/sexual relationship with man even my fantasies and current sexual identity suggest it...And Im sure that I wouldnt be satisfied living as a woman because I truly need male gender feelings... I didnt said that I find suicide better solution than living as a gay or transsexual, but I often contemplate that solution...God dammit if sexuality is sth we cannot change... Why am I having problems with accepting it... Im sure it is not about pressure of people around me... It is something inside me...When I was about 12 years old the first creature I falled in love was a girl... I just cant help myself in desire of being a heterosexual male and loving womans, even Im developed naturally into something opposite... Im a transsex...or gay or what...
Thank you people on your answers I would like to continue communication...because it seems helpful even I dont see a proggress in my sexuality change...My momentally sexual life is porn addiction (mostly tranny)... And it is so hard to switch to sth else...
And I cant live like this anymore... Where is free will in my life, I have a feeling that Im losing it, now it is not just a sexual problem... it becomes a life problem...Does anyone have some advise how to start to change in my situation...? Thank you

leonitoo · 01-19-08

I have to describe what I feel at porn activity: When i see naked guys, no matter how cute they are they dont arouse me... but when I see two guys together...kissing or having sex, i am a bit aroused, the relation (which I interpret as some kind of male/female) is what arouses me... Tranny porn is my best arousal but in two ways mixed up: at some points I would like to be one of them, at the other point she aroused me as a male but more as a female ( only at porn of course, because I tried once with a transvestite and I wasnt aroused)... Lesbians also aroused me but less than trannies... Sometimes I would like to f..ck tranny, but mostly I would like be in her position...But males with them are not so important to me, they do not arouse me as themselves, just that what are they doing to tranny... When I see them alone (males) I lose totally my arousal...

Im desparate and begging for help ( Im not able to get proffessional help... even I would lot of them would simply say youre gay and you cant change it, so I wouldnt hear anything new there)...
Something about me and woman:
My last couple of relationships with woman were not so successful because I was afraid that I wont satisfy them and often losing my erections... When Im with woman I get 90% erection when just kissing and having foreplay ( and important thing is that Im EMOTIONALLY totally satisfied when with woman...I have that feel inside that it is all that I want, that it completelly gived me satisfaction), but when is time to penetrate I start to lose erection because of some kind of fear...of not being able to do it... and not even enjoy so in penetration... but more is the fear which stops me... But other elements of sex with woman are ideal... I could cum only at kissing and having good foreplay with woman...
I hope you got some kind of picture of my problems... Any kind of help or advise...please... I just want to have happy life with a woman...

nothing else... But in this phase I cannot have it

leonitoo · 01-21-08

Do you think is OK not telling my girlfriend about my sexual issues... And I ask again... How could I start in changing process? Any advise would be helpfull

bighiker2003 · 01-21-08

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkiesmurf

Avoid repairative therapy at all costs as it will do you more damage than good and therapy too. Also in my opinion avoid any Evangelical religons that protrays same-sex experiences in a negative light and avoid hypnosis at all costs. Hypnosis does not work and there is no scientifc evidence to support that it does. There are many Christian and non-Christian religions that are accepting of same-sex experiences.

The issue for you is not trying to change who you are but accepting who you are. It may mean making lifestyle changes and ridding your life of the negative messages that you receive of your life. If you want to go on a date with a woman and experience a hetrosexual sexual experience then what is stopping you? Gay, bisexual, and heterosexual are terms people use to describe their sexuality. Likewise if you want to date another than really other than yourself what is stopping you? In essence it comes down to choice and the decisions that you make. Only you can change yourself.

Leonito
I wholeheartedly endorse what Yorkie said.
As I doubt that we can will ourselves to change our sexual orientation.
So therefore we must be willing to accept the way we are, And strive to
enjoy the way we are.

Hiker

leonitoo · 01-21-08

Yes this probably is reality that we cant change, but what keeps me not comitting suicide is hope that maybe a change is possible

because my complete personality will never accept this kind of my sexuality

fantasien · 01-22-08

polysexual This may help you out a lot. I would recommending some exploration other than just porn. Go Join a GLBT support group.

pansexual

jessy-wonders · 02-06-08

You should love yourself for who you are and follow what makes you happy. A support group may be helpful to try. There are tons to chose from on the web and probably one in your hometown. Good luck and there are many people in the world who love you for who you are.

jadeddiva · 02-07-08

Here's my story with an ex:

One of my ex's developed cross dressing tendencies in the relationship,which didn't work for me so that ended the relationship.

He was also bi-curious but still considers himself to be straight and doesn't want to explore the possibility of being with another man so he just cross dresses. At one time he even wanted woman's breasts.

He and i are still friends today. He says he doesn't want to lose his identity as a straight man. Where he lives he is a well known,educated man in the public eye. He says he wishes he wasn't this way and is ashamed to have to hide a side of himself.

After asking for my advice i told him he is the only one to make himself happy. I can only be supportive and not judgemental. Who am i to stop someone from finding the happiness they seek?

Can I stop being gay and transsexual?

Originally Posted by Rose You're drawn to women sexually You are not drawn to men sexually That would indicate that you aren't 'gay', by definition. Sounds like you are what one of our upstanding members