Do you do anal sex?

That's the problem, hon. The vagina is designed for sex, and, therefore, it's extremely difficult to do any damage (it's made to accommodate a baby, after all), and if the vaginal tissue is torn, it will mend itself all right. The rectum is constructed of much thinner and more fragile tissue, is replete with infection-causing bacteria, the sphincter muscles can be seriously injured if over-dilated...this has been well-documented. The only way to avoid doing damage is to stop immediately if you feel any pain, because you can't possibly know from where that pain is coming and what it means. Many people don't suffer problems from overextending their anus, and many do, and you can't possibly know you'll be one of the lucky ones who will come out Ok if you try to push through the pain. We even had a poster, not all that long ago, who came here inquiring about how to safely prepare for anal sex because his wife, a nurse at a penal institution, treated a fair number of inmates who were suffering from fecal incontinence that resulted from "wanted and unwanted" anal sex. They had their anuses overdilated, they were the unlucky ones. This is why gentle and gradual preparation is always recommended.

Not everyone can handle a larger penis (not everyone can handle an average-sized penis) and sometimes all the preparation in the world won't allow it, and that's just the way it is. A man who cares about his partner isn't going to want them to risk their health just so he can get his rocks off in a new way. I don't believe in engaging in anal play for the purpose of "preparing" for anal sex--I think having a goal puts too much pressure on the person who would be penetrated. I think the best thing to do is start out with fingers or small toys just for the fun of it, and if things happen later on down the road...say one day a woman decides she really wants to try anal sex...then great! The majority of gay men don't even have anal sex! What does that tell you? Porn has seriously skewed our perceptions of what is normal and healthy regarding anal sex.

Just be glad that you were one of the lucky ones to push through it and suffer no ill effects. There's just too much ignorance surrounding it (and shameless self-styled "experts" who lack medical knowledge and formal training telling people how easy it is), and we just need to be informed and careful and true to our needs and desires is all.

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

I can only reiterate that the pain i experienced was what i expected. I just want to state my position I had no desire for anal play no real desire for anal sex it was something I did once in a blue moon for my partners benefit. There was absoloutly no pain or discomfort after he was finished and my bum was back to normal after a hot bath.All in all it was less painful than my first vaginal sex.

I don't want to make a dangerous statement like anal sex is meant to hurt, as part or your normal sex life it shouldn't hurt. but my case was a little different, and besides surely there wasn't some pain your first time?

I think we're in danger of infantalising women a bit by talking about the pressure their partners put on them, my partner made a request for something in a simple and mature way and I did it cause I quite liked the guy

There might have been, if I'd gone into it blind, because I doubt I would've devoted any time to advance preparation. I haven't had anal sex yet, I've only engaged in anal play with toys smaller than an average-sized penis and I haven't worked my way up to a penis-sized object. Like I said, it can take some time. And, who knows, my anatomy may never comfortably allow it...but I do enjoy anal play, so I'll always have that. If/when I feel ready for anal sex, I'll make my intentions very clear , but you'd better believe I'm going to stop ASAP if there's the slightest hint of pain. I'm not jeopardizing my health for anything and I'd never date a guy who would be Ok with that. I'd never date a guy who asked for anal sex after I'd informed him of the risks involved; he should be perfectly content to allow me to decide the appropriate time...and if there's going to be an appropriate time. I wish that for all women.

And I'm sure you were unaware at the time that there were any risks involved, am I right? Most people just don't know, so of course they're going to approach it casually.

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

Of course I was aware of the risks of my partner jamming himself up my backside.as soon as he asked which is why i said no at first. He didn't attempt to persuade me and it was a complete surprise when I offered to do it.I prefered to sort myself out in preparation rather than engage in anal play.

Look i didn't enjoy and won't ever do it again. but I thought about it long and hard experimented by myself and made a decision to go ahead using my own best judgement. If someone asked my right now if they should do it I would say no. My situation and the reason I agreed to it were particular to me. I'm not a cheerleader for treading the rectum as a substitute vagina.

If you actually read my posts carefully you'll see there isn't that much we're disagreeing on.

I understand you oh so clearly now. And what I'd really like to do is give you a gentle little "Arrrgh, silly girl, don't you do that again!" shake, then a hug. *Gentle shake* *Hug*

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

I answered yes to M to F and to prostate massage.

I do agree that you have to be in control and it should not be forced. I love anal when I am relaxed and in the mood. When I was younger and more stupid I let my ex do it because he wanted to. I was unprepared and uneducated, and did not enjoy it at all. It took about 5 years and I had done a lot of reading and prepared myself and talked with my partner about it in depth, when I wanted to try it again for myself. Now that I am more educated and in control, I really enjoy it, when I want it.

I have had anal sex with women and masturbated with a dildo many times.
Only once has a woman used a strap-on with me and I came to quickly to enjoy it .
At the moment I am very anxious for woman to do it properly and am even thinking of
visiting a She-male only brothel.(Its legal here in Melbourne,Aus)

I checked F to M strap on, which is probably the closest to what I do (F to M with fingers).

"A red-headed woman sure gets a dirty job done"

GFs massaged my prostate before, thats about it.