My girlfriend had an amateur porn website

After my girlfriend and I started dating, I found out that she had an amateur porn website. In the website, which is no longer online, she sold naked pictures of herself. She also offered solo masturbation videos, and briefly sold a tape she made with her boyfriend at the time. Pretty tame by adult industry standards, but pretty severe to my limited experience. I'm not normally jealous of a woman's past, and I have no problems with pornography, but I am uncomfortable with how I feel about her former career.

She is her own woman, and has every right to do what she wants. I am freaked out though. I have talked to her about how I feel, but I just end up making her feel bad. I still like her, or I would have ended it already. Should I break up with her, or should I try to feel better about this?

I can understand how you feel...I think it would come as an extremely unpleasant shock to discover that a guy I was dating had had his own porn site (I'm like you, I enjoy porn but wouldn't want to date someone in the biz.) What would make or break the relationship for me would be my partner's reasons for shutting down the site and his present feelings on the subject. Does he regret it?

Has she told you her rationale for ending her porn career and how she feels about it today?

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

I don't think she personally had a problem with doing it. She liked working on the site, and she made a lot of money doing it, but I think she eventually got bored with it. Also, ironically, when she was newly single, a close friend suggested, that a new boyfriend might not understand. That might have played a part.

Hmm. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I'd be able to accept it. I could never be with a person who doesn't have an issue with profiting from sexual activities. That's just me. I think it would be a good idea to spend some time mulling this over, and decide whether or not you can reconcile this with your morals. I absolutely believe that shared values are vital to a healthy, successful relationship.

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

Bluesy, thank you for some great advice. I definitely will take some time to think about it.

Just some random points to consider....

Did she tell you about it, or did you find out on your own? If she was honest and told you right off the bat, I'd cut her some slack.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with a beautiful woman making some money on a web site just as long as things weren't too extreme or there was actual prostitution involved... but, that's just me.

You mentioned that you don't have a problem with porn, so don't you think it's kind of hypocritical for you to be upset that she used to do it?

Another point, she is done with it, it is in her past. Can't you just accept that and move on?

Also, are you sure this is the only thing about her that bothers you? Do you love her?

Yeah, we need more info here if you can provide it.

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

She is her own woman, and has every right to do what she wants.

You just said that. What She did before you came into her life is none of
your business. And if you cant handle it now. Take a walk. As it
will dwell on your mind forever.
So mellow out or walk.

Hiker

Wow dude that much worse then me.. MUCH worse. im sorry

Sorry, About What.

Hiker

This is a completely valid point. Hypocrisy will NOT endear you to her.

Not really. Most of us utilize pornography, but how many of us would have a problem with posing/acting in an adult movie for $$? More than a few, I'll bet. Is that hypocritical, to want to look at it but be morally opposed to starring in it? I don't see how you could draw that conclusion since they're two very different things.

It's not at all unusual for a person to want their SO to share their values (in fact, they should). So part of his moral code is "I won't accept money to do porn" (there's a world of difference between being an exhibitionist and using your body as a sexual commodity), and he would prefer to have a gf who feels the same way. He shouldn't feel obligated to drop the bar on the type of partner he's seeking simply because he didn't have this information beforehand. Not only are we all entitled to have our own personal set of criteria for a SO, we should! Don't judge him for having a set of criteria that differs from your own.

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The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy. ~Yves Saint Laurent

The sexiest parts of my body are my brain, my heart, my spine, and my guts.

I don't see what's wrong with accepting money gladly for something people would give away their money gladly to see...If I enjoy porn, and spend money on it, there isn't anything wrong with someone getting and enjoying the fruits of their own labor...I mean, I wouldn't be comfortable with doing porn, but just because I wouldn't, doesn't mean that it isn't right for someone else..As long as she was honest, I think that is really what is important.

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Actually, neither one of the stories, his or yours, are especially earth shattering. At least he allows her to have a past.

Personally? If I had that in my past, I would love it if my boyfriend said "you know how much I care about and respect you, can I share my feelings about your old business?" - it would show me that he's not judging, but just wants some clarification and have his mind eased. I'm sure she's probably expecting it. She's probably not under some illusion that every guy would be okay with it.

Now, like Cowboy Lover said, this all depends on how you found out. Did she out and out tell you? If so, definitely express your feelings in a non-accusatory manner. If you found out on your own, well..um..

Yea,I'm with Hiker & Cowboy on this one...

Deliver all packages in the ReaR!!

We all have our secrets from the past that may or may not involve sex. I have done things which would startle many, but my wife accepts me for what I do now, not what I did then.

I think you should consider that there are more important things in life than sex, and the most important ingredient in a relationship is not sexual pasts but sexual compatibility for the future.