Cook74 and Vampire Raver should appreciate this one
Five Very Wicked Ways To Turn Your Ordinary Kitchen Accoutrements Into Brazenly Devilish Sex Toys
By Rose Rivera, MA Family & Sexuality Studies
1.
The Spanking Wooden Spoon - Near and dear to my own playful heart, I get a fluttery feeling every time I use one of these classic, extra-large wooden stirring spoons. For the edgy players among you, using a spoon for spanking purposes is not a very shocking idea. After all, whenever a paddle’s not handy, a wooden spoon will always do the trick! It’s sturdy, fairly wide, and gives that yummy mix of sting and thud. Oh come on, be daring and give your partner a soft teasing whack - their reaction might surprise you!
2.
Chip Clip Nipple Clamps - Warning, not for the faint of heart. I’m a little hesitant to make this suggestion because it has to be the right kind of chip clip - you should only use ones that are flat on the inside, NOT the kind with little teeth or jagged edges meant to hold the bag closed tighter! Although impromptu nipple (or other body part) clamps are a fun idea, remember how easily this skin can be damaged and use your common sense. Smaller clips have less power so are better suited for this pain/pleasure toy. And don’t forget to sooth those fire-hot nipples afterward with a little melting ice from the freezer…
3.
Really Hot Chocolate - Find a great recipe for homemade hot fudge and make it together. The aroma of melting chocolate alone should get your mind wandering into happy land. Once it’s finished and cooled enough that you can touch it without burning yourself, begin to finger-feed it to your lover. Remember, the point is to be sensual and indulgent. Do it slowly, deliberately. Watch as your lover takes your finger into their mouth, let yourself feel the roughness of their tongue, pay attention! Don’t be afraid to get sticky and very messy. You know this activity has gone well when all of his, um, "fingers" and all of her "lips" have been completely covered in chocolate - preferably over and over again!
4.
Rolling Pin Massage - Grant it, this suggestion is more fun and light-hearted than the others, but we all need a little relaxing warm-up don’t we? I know it’s a funny image, but using a rolling pin to massage the sides of your back, butt, thighs and calves actually feels great! The big handles make it really easy to use and you can get wonderfully long strokes out of it. Feel free to laugh along the way, but eventually your partner will appreciate the real massage he or she is getting - even if it is from a rolling pin!
5.
Guessing Game - Cover your lover’s eyes with a blindfold, or if you think they won’t cheat just tell them to close their eyes. Pick about twenty-five different cooking utensils (tongs, forks, basters, etc.) and use them of various parts of your lover’s (naked) body. Pinch them with the tongs, blow air in their face with the baster - you get the gist. Have your lover try to guess what you are using on them. For every correct guess, offer them a sexual favor of their choice, and for every wrong guess they have to do something for you. Clearly this simple game can go in many different directions, so you can take it as far as you’d both like.
No shit, I laughed until I cried 
Oh, poor, pitiful Cook... 
I think I smell a new infomercial product in the making.
