Joke of the day...

You looked at the Readers Digest in the doctor's office for that one, didn't you LP?

This is turning into a good joke thread. Note to self: post joke soon.

New member? Welcome to SexualForums.
Be sure to post an Introduction so we can meet you. And don't forget to Read our forum rules.

YOU ARE VIEWING GROUP 7 OF THE DIRTY JOKES



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Little Johnny Asking For Marriage

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love.

One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."

Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for.

After a second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far..."



Hiker

...I'm scared of doctors! Anyone who wants you laughing in the waiting room must be up to no good!

I don't remember where I got it Probably from someone who'd been to the doctors...

Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, we've been lucky so far..."


GUFFAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Genuine Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in Florida. While visiting the
Everglades, she was fascinated by genuine alligator shoes but refused to
pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with bartering, she shouted: "Well, then,
maybe I'll just go and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of
shoes for free!" The blonde headed out to the swamps, determined to
catch a gator.

Later in the day, a state trooper sees the young blonde standing waist
deep in the swamp, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a 9-foot gator
charging towards her. With lightning speed, the blonde aims, fires,
kills the gator, and hauls it onto the slimy bank. Lying nearby were 7
more dead gators, all lying on their backs with feet up.

As the trooper watched in amazement, the blonde struggled and flipped
the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming
obscenities, she shouts out: "SHYTE...THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"

A man & woman had just met at a bar, and were hitting it off quite well. Suddenly, he looks her in the eyes and says, "Would you have sex with me if I gave you $1,000,000?"

She chuckled & said, "Well... of course I would!! "

He then asked, "Would you have sex with me if I gave you $5 ?"

She wrinkled her nose and said, "No way!! What kind of woman do you think I am?"

He replied, "We've already established that, from the first question - - now we're just haggling about the price..."

When I was a teenager, we didn't have MTV.
We had to take drugs and go to Rock Concerts!

Bwahahahahahaha!

If that were true, I'd still be here.

Hope this doesn't piss any of you angels off (I've got plenty more if you like it) .....

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

Scruples
Oh, I'm sexually active now, but don't we just love it .....

If that were true, I'd still be here.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

New member? Welcome to SexualForums.
Be sure to post an Introduction so we can meet you. And don't forget to Read our forum rules.

Oh dear god, no!

If that were true, I'd still be here.

...best joke in Australia;


A Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot!"

The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you!"

HAHAHAHAHA! That was priceless, LP!

Barbwire a.k.a. Cowboy Lover

Those poor Kiwis get a lot of flack in Oz.

What Matters Most Is How Well You Walk Through The Fire. Bukowski