Advice needed for long-term relationship "blahs"

My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years, and I feel we've gotten ourselves into a rut. Neither of us really "played the field", when we were younger. I've always considered myself more sexual than her. However, for the most part, we please each other, and both consider it an important part of life.

Personally, I lately have this "Been there, done that" feeling about it. There are days where I don't even want to initiate anymore. I know she feels the same way. Of course, as with all 30-somethings, kids and job stress don't help.

Maybe it's the midlife crisis stuff, but I'm ready to get past this boredom stuff, and take it to a new level. Of course, with her. I'm looking for ideas, from folks who have gone through the same thing.

A change of scenery always worked for us. Getting away from the house definitely helps the female partner, as she's not surrounded with all the things she should be doing. And the excitement of being in an unfamiliar setting, as a couple, causes you to draw together. If you can afford a nice restaurant, that also ignites some deep-hidden sparks. But the idea is to just get away, so that, regardless of where you are (The Big Apple or The Grand Canyon ) you feel like its 'the two of you against the world.'

Good luck!

When I was a teenager, we didn't have MTV.
We had to take drugs and go to Rock Concerts!

I agree with Rose. When we get away we always get a bit more aroused. You need to find that spark and it could be something simple or something deeper but you need to find it. Try doing something fun like taking naughty pictures of each other or the both of you together. Go out on a date and ask the wife to leave tha panties at home for the night....and wear a skirt. Just find something to feel young and kinky again. My wife and I have been married 7 years and together for 13 and we have the best sex we ever have and more of it too. We always look for something to spice it up. Pictures have been our thing lately....and swapping those pics with other couples has really help heat things up You'll find it if you keep looking. Good luck and keep us posted.

Someone looking for sexual diversity!!

Being sexualy diverse requires many things other than simply the ideas of what to do.

Lets start with the fact that the diversity must be in compliance of both parties, so make sure you and your wife talk about the lack of "funk" and the want for more "spunk". Talk it out and agree that yaall should spice it up a bit!

Once youve done that, youve gota find what gets your jibblies off! Write down (separately) your fantasies, then compare them. Find all of the ones that are the same. Then if any of the other persons float your boat, mark it also!

Once you have got a broad idea of whats up your ally, search for ideas or ask for them spacificly here!

Who knows maybe anal is on her mind (im not saying it is or isnt, its metaphorical), or role playing, or a spacific type of foreplay that yaall do not do too much.

Also, when you talk, ask her if there was anything that you use to do for her sexually that you kinda stopped doing or it died down and continue that.

Rose brought up a great point of changing the scenery!

But for now, start with broad ideas, I can help you with catagories afterwords!

Wow, sorry your only 38 and going thru this! haha. When I turned 50 I started going thru this and still am!! 2 years latter!! Just can't seen to kick it! One thing we decided is getting away! Going to Hawaii early next year, and next summer, YES! my wife agreed we will be buying a turning motorcycle! This will be fun with all the turning clubs. We are just thinking of things to keep us busy together. Good luck

I'd have to agree with the change of scenery idea. I know my wife gets much more daring when we are on a weekend getaway or vacation somewhere. At home she would never think about having sex in front of our window. On vacations she has no problem having sex on a hotel balcony or even on top of a picnic table at a campground.