How can I convince my wife to have anal sex?

Oy vey. Thank you for sharing your opinions in this thread, LogicMan. The original poster was seeking advice on how to coerce his partner into having anal... Well, pardon, but I simply don't feel the need to treat another person respectfully when they show themselves to be devoid of that particular quality themselves. Coercion and cajolery are forms of manipulation, and manipulation is actually a form of emotional abuse. ("Encouraging" is simply a less offensive way of saying "manipulating".) When you apply psychological pressure to participate in a sexual activity (e.g. pleading, bargaining, repeated attempts at persuasion), your behavior is saying, "MY desires have a higher priority to me than YOUR needs." That's juvenile behavior, sir. A sign of stunted emotional maturity is the narcissistic drive to have others gratify your desires at the expense of their personal boundaries. Emotionally mature people allow their partners to decide what sexual activities they want to participate in on their OWN time, free of psychological pressure. That means putting your desires on the back burner and putting your partner's needs first. *gasp!* That would be an immensely difficult task for an immature, selfish kind of person.

Sorry. My fault. You finally got me. Am I BAD or what. Sorry I'll try to make sure it won't happen again. Regarding your comment about me thinking that "I'm an expert on anal sex".

WOW! Thanks for the complement (little playful Sarcasm) Actually this may come as a surprise to you. No! I'm no expert on anything. In fact, nobody in this forum is an expert on anything. We're all learning and hopefully won't be afraid or offended to continue to learn.

However, if someone ask for advice on anal or any other thing, I will CONTINUE to give them my advice, assistance and any cheat sheet I have stored away. I really also like the helpful hints of "Tommyhot's" tutorial is VERY GOOD (similiar to mine). I notice he keeps giving them out to who ever ask him for help also. But there is also another 4 users doing the same.

Thanks again.
I always am open for constructive criticism as long as it is done in a mature manner.

p.s. I'll also watch the duplicating of posting. Thanks again Nettle

Logic Man
You’ve Dealt With The REST – Now Deal With the BEST!
******** LogicMan is here TODAY! ********

Bluesy,
The original poster was seeking advice on how to coerce his partner into having anal... Well, pardon, but I simply don't feel the need to treat another person respectfully when they show themselves to be devoid of that particular quality themselves. Coercion and cajolery are forms of manipulation, and manipulation is actually a form of emotional abuse. ("Encouraging" is simply a less offensive way of saying "manipulating".) When you apply psychological pressure to participate in a sexual activity (e.g. pleading, bargaining, repeated attempts at persuasion), your behavior is saying, "MY desires have a higher priority to me than YOUR needs." That's juvenile behavior, sir. A sign of stunted emotional maturity is the narcissistic drive to have others gratify your desires at the expense of their personal boundaries. Emotionally mature people allow their partners to decide what sexual activities they want to participate in on their OWN time, free of psychological pressure. That means putting your desires on the back burner and putting your partner's needs first. *gasp!* That would be an immensely difficult task for an immature, selfish kind of person.

Thanks for your posting and not flying off the handle though we still REMAIN to have a difference of opinion. I’m sure there are MANY users (men & women both) who would agree with this posting you’ve said to me. However, to be fair, on the other side of the coin, I’m sure there are MANY who would actually agree with me and Jack Morin, Ph.D., the nation's leading EXPERT on anal eroticism when he said that it’s about communication, discussion and exploring in a non-pressured conversation on what your partner LIKES are and DISLIKES are. I guess no two people will ever agree on the same subject. I guess that’s why everyone needs to FIND a partner who has the same likes & dislikes.

If you already are involved in a relationship and if you’re a WOMAN, then you should NEVER-EVER encourage him to do something like:

1) Oral sex (if he does not one to) – Tell HER she’s a nasty B**** and mouths were made to EAT & SPEAK with, NOT to have SEX with. Don’t ever bring it up, or try to discuss or encourage me or mention that again to go down on your vagina because they would be Coercion, Persuasion, Manipulation or even bargaining! I DARE you! If your girlfriend continue to tell you her oral-fantasies ever again, she is being (in your own words below): immature, manipulative, forcing, etc. etc. SHAME SHAME on her! I dare her ever try to have her dirty –little fantasies fulfill in her mind. She should be satisfied sexually and live the remainder of her life based on what you guys both been doing for all those years. NEVER ENCOURAGE TO UPGRADE! Don’t ever talk about it.

I guess that makes perfect sense since your put it that way. I was kind of thinking as most sex experts recommends that “no subject should be taboo” and that partners should be SHARING his & HERS sexual experience is a great experience to LEARN together. But never force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. Encourage yes.

FINALLY:
Can you imagine a couple (like one of my best friends) that’s been with his girlfriend since they were both about 16 years old. They are old sweet and old-fashion and claim they never had sex until they got married at 22 years old. Good for them. According to him, for the first about 5 years of their marriage they never tried any type of sex except vagina sex in the laying down in bed way. He even said no doggie style either. Then after 8 years of they marriage (according to him) SHE was the one who started getting bored (not HIM my friend). SHE wanted to try out new things. Some of the things he wasn’t enthusiastic about trying, others he was! Now HE enjoys MANY NEW sexual positions & things that SHE introduced to the bedroom. He told me that there are still things he would not do that she ENCOURAGES them to try but he at least hears her out, discuss it and they BOTH decide on what they will be doing in the bedroom. Oh yea, she still tries to encourage him to do some things and it does NOT bother him at ALL! However, based on what you’re saying, Shame on her! She Coerce, Cajolery, Manipulated him and got all kind of ENJOYABLE practices into their bedroom – many he thought he could never enjoy. EVIL FEMALE! What should we do with her

No, in actuality SHE never but a gun or knives to his head she just encourage him and they are still happy and yes GASPING TOO after all these years. Think about it, if he would never have allowed her to encourage him to explore (without force). He would still be content sexually, however, SHE would be stuck into a sexual-boring marriage just doing in ONE sexual position laying in bed. That is NOT love in a relationship. You should at least here the person out. I’m glad they were open to try out new things that make them BOTH HAPPY & GASPING for joy.

You also mentioned:
Emotionally mature people allow their partners to decide what sexual activities they want to participate in on their OWN time, free of psychological pressure.

In my opinion, not correct. Sex is not a ONE-WAY street but TWO-WAY! They BOTH should decide together. The WOMAN don’t call all the shots. Hey but neither do the MAN. But I agree with you on there should not be any psychological, coerce, forcing pressure. In my opinion, just encouragement and BOTH couples deciding. Explain how this forum is FULL of woman who were originally against anal sex and then changed their mind (some after being encourage) (yes encouraged-no guns used) and SOME say they glad they did it because it’s the best experience they every had!

Finally: I say to each his own. I don’t agree with your opinion but I’ll try to RESPECT it. If a WOMAN have a really deep fantasy that she wants her husband to fulfill, she should NEVER have that fulfill. She should shut the hell up and stop trying to encourage him to ever fulfill it. Ok if you say so… That’s why we all have to be very careful in the partner we choose to make sure he/she opinions and OPENESS matches our. TO EACH HIS OWN!

Coerce (Force, Pressure, intimidate, bullying)
Cajolery (persuasion by flattery)
Persuasion (influence)
Manipulation (exploitation)
bargaining
psychological pressure
Encourage (support, promote, in all fairness it can also mean persuade in an encouraging manner.)

Logic Man
You’ve Dealt With The REST – Now Deal With the BEST!
******** LogicMan is here TODAY! ********

To bad this thread is 2 years old, we must of watch to much news and decided to start drilling for oil.

Love is the fuel for life

Yea, it's a very very old thread. It was posted BEFORE I joined. I was reading through ALL the old threads trying to get to learn & also know the users responses & reactions. This particular thread (although old) I could not let go. I had to comment on it even though it happen before I joined. I feel since VERY FEW spoke up for this guy who posted it out of fear of those angry woman posting or something Somebody had to speak up and do the right thing. Nobody should be yelled at, cursed at, and treated this way by a mob of angry woman simply because the poor guy ask a question. Old Thread or not. It was a left open sad abusive story thread and I reopened and then ended with an opinion that most of the guys was afraid to comment on. I hope people learn from this that. WOMAN have their opinion and we as MEN have to listen and RESPECT their OPINION! HEY but it works BOTH WAYS, they have to also respect our OPINION and desires to without yelling & cursing us out. Someone had to respond this fairly - SO I DID my friend.

Logic Man
You’ve Dealt With The REST – Now Deal With the BEST!
******** LogicMan is here TODAY! ********

Oh and one more thing. Someone with guts had to also address the fact that some of those posting were a little hypocrical. For instance like the one female user claiming that men always want to stick up a girl's rear and her exboyfriend forced her into anal sex. However, I remember before I joined reading something from that SAME user on how much she really enjoyed anal sex and had orgasims and wanted to explore further. In fact she posted a very hot anal story that even got me hard reading it professionally. Any girl who posts a hot sexual story like that one should not complain about guys have the desire to stick it there. So I had to bring up her OLD comments to expose her and the others for attacking this poor guy over a simple question. It's matter of: You better SAY what you MEAN & MEAN what you SAY or those same words you say TODAY will affect you TOMORROW!
Peace Out my friend

Logic Man
You’ve Dealt With The REST – Now Deal With the BEST!
******** LogicMan is here TODAY! ********

A different partner can make a big difference when trying something like this.

Although I have had one bad experience with anal sex, if in the furture I had a partner who really wanted to try it, I would probably try it again, as long as they were prepared to work up to it very gradually.

Possibly the person you talk about has had two very different experiences with two partners?

SEX ~ It's only dirty if it's done right.

Not all women are into anal sex and my guess is that she is not. My guess is that you are not too big for her as the anus can stretch. However I feel the issue come down to her not being properly lubricated and / or you rushed your entry. In any event for her the result was discomfort and pain. My only recommendation would be try to play with that area a bit without having anal sex and watch her reaction. If she gets upset then I would let the issue be for the time being but if she seems receptive then I would slowly work up to it. Though my instinct tells me that anal sex probably is something she has not enjoyed and probably has limited interest in it.

As for trying to find something new to do my recommendation would be to work on the relationship with her. You might be surprised what she is willing to do if she feels more secure with you.

LogicMan, please stop bumping old threads. If you have something new to contribute start a new thread. As this thread is very old, it is now closed. Thanks for playing.

If that were true, I'd still be here.