I can't speak from a male standpoint, being a woman and all
but I offer you my sympathy.
There is nothing sexy or sensual about feeling inadequate.
I've always been a big fan of sex toys and I still am, but I can see the danger in them possibly taking place of a man when a couple is new to eachother sexually and hasn't quite gotten past the learning curve and found a good rhythm and knowledge for eachothers bodies, etc.
Learning how to have good sex is just that,
learning. It's trial and error and requires patience, effort and a little self sacrifice, too. If she has a toy that offers instant gratification and gets her off easily, she might opt for that rather than put forth the effort of learning how to have truly fulfilling sex with you.
I think the good news is that a vibrator is only going to do the trick for her for so long, as it simply
cannot compensate for a warm body, the exciting sexual responses and intimacy a partner offers!
I love my toys and the things I can do with my body alone, but there is absolutely no replacement for sex with my partner.
We've had this sort of discussion on this forum several times before and the consensus is
always the same; toys do NOT replace intercourse with a partner.
If she does have a bit of a hang up with the vibrator right now, you might take a scant bit of relief in the notion that it probably won't last for too long; toys however big or fancy, just aren't as fulfilling.
Be certain you are touching her all over, adoring and worshipping her body with your hands and lips, making her feel sexy and desirable and drawing her fully into the sensuality of the moment. Her limited response could be due to lack of preparation if you aren't taking the time to get her fully aroused and excited before you have intercourse.
If you're doing all of these things to love her body and bring her to the right state of excitement before you have intercourse and yet she isn't responsibe, you might want to find a way to tactfully address her lack of participation.
After all, she
is just as responsible for her orgasm as you are!