Living without

So today I'm wondering what I'm going to do because as I age, suprisingly, I am just as horny as ever yet my wife has given up on sex. Those problems detailed by threads like "my wife the prude", "The problem continues", etc. all seem to describe what I am going through. A couple of years ago I went alone to a sex counselor for advice. Trying the things she recommended resulted in reinvigorated love life, in fact our orgasms, to my surprise, were actually more intense than when we were younger. After a great summer, my wife stunned me by saying she was no longer interested in sex. We haven't had sex since and I am growing weary of the once a week masturbation, while my wife doesn't even want to talk about the problem. She has no sex drive. Is there anything like viagra available yet that would enhance a women' sex drive?

take comfort that you are not alone! i would like to know the solution too.

Oh dear.....

I am hearing this this more and more
often and its touched my life more
than once....

Someone said to me the other day "when
its dead, its dead"

There comes a point when you cant force
anyone to feel sexy...its like saying "you
have to be enthusiastic about something"

It doesnt work does it?

My husband has given me his blessing and
I am allowed to take a lover....as long as I
dont rub his face in it too much...

The strange irony? I cant find anyone I
am drawn to enough to share myself with!

Marriage and long term relationships often
die....and we move on or maybe have a
different arrangement...which suits both
people.

Or go without?

Would your partner go without something
she/he loved...would they give it up
completely......

For example my man loves playing soccer
three times a week.....would he give it up?
No.....i tell him thats how I feel about sex.

Why should we make a sacrifice because
the other person doesnt dig it anymore?

If its true love, they will set you free.....

<---open--your--mind--->

You know, I thought about striking out on my own but then I figured that's my sex addiction kicking in again and I should try harder to talk to her about it. The problem is whenever I try to resolve these issues she just seems disinterested. I wanted to take her to a massage therapist for a couples massage and she thought it was "too hinky". When we were having sex I wanted to massage her G spot. She thought it felt like an exam. The sad thing is that when we had restarted our sex life a couple of years ago, the rest of our relationship started to feel like when we first met, everything felt sexy. It didn't turnaround immediately, but pretty quickly we were back into a very sexy relationship. We talked via email during the day looking forward to seeing each other again. But then, without warning, she gave up.

What about getting her a little drunk and having a serious heart to heart about sex? I think she is a little skittish about this subject.

I think you need to do everything in your
power to help her and yet at the same
time not to push...

Ive never met a man who is as sexually
inclined as I am....and have ended up
going without and ultimately ending the
relationship.

Yes talk to her...take her out, wine and
dine her, be romantic...dont push it and
treat her like you did when ye guys first
met...

Have you been together a long long time?

<---open--your--mind--->

I'm 59 and she's 57 and we have been together since school, 37 years, so yes it has been a long and seemingly successful relationship. It is one of those marriages that from all appearances has no issues. But just under the surface are significant communication problems. She is an unparalleled mother, daughter and teacher. It's the wife skills that I think are lacking and I'm the only one effected!

Same here Yakker. Been totally cut off also.

It seems like you really are trying to handle this situation fairly. As for your wife, well perhaps she feels that after 37 years of having sex, enough is enough. Many post-menopausal women who aren't on HRT lose their sex drive. The body is no longer producing the female sex hormone estrogen and that causes vaginal dryness, which can make sex very uncomfortable. I've also read something about how a little testosterone can help invigorate the sex drive.

You mentioned something about a sex addiction. Can this have something to do with it? I mean, is it possible for your wife to have negative associations with sex because of this? We had a discussion about this very issue a few days ago. Most of us agreed that when one partner unilaterally decides that there will be no more sex in the relationship and he or she is unwilling to discuss matter further, then other partner should then be able to outsource some sex.

Well said girl!!!

<---open--your--mind--->

Puss-in-boots (I love that name) you just about hit the nail directly on the head. She was on HRT for the five years prior to the summer of '05 which was the summer we tried to reinvigorate our love life. And she did experience dryness but we worked through that with ky. We also had to get past what seemed to be a muscle in her vagina that was blocking the end so that I could not get in as far as I had in the past. We did work that out and things were going well, I thought. I think the dryness issue did contribute to her decision to quit. I don't think the sex addiction plays a role because she doesn't know how much I crave this intimacy. As far as she knows, things are fine without sex.

Look, I really appreciate being able to talk to all of you about this. I have not had this frank a discussion with anyone ever about this. I will look into the potential of testosterone.

Dude! You have to talk to her about this! She is the one you should be having a heart to heart with, not some folks in cyber world. Sure, you can listen to our suggestions, but she's the one you are married to, not us. Talk to her.

You said she doesn't want to talk about it, but if you stress how important this is to you, to your marriage, she might open up.

I agree and that is why I've planned a date Friday with dancing, drinking and conversation. At our age we have some perks that are just now arriving. She retires from teaching Friday and I think that will give her more time to enjoy life. I've just been getting a little background in case I meet something unexpected. She can be a little squeamish about this subject so best to be careful now and reckless later.

I think it is cool that you are looking for advice in a forum like this. It will help you be better prepared to handle the conversation, when the time comes. Just don't let too much time pass before you reach out to her and discuss your needs with her. Hopefully, Friday will have a great outcome for the both of you. Try to do everything you possibly can to have her pampered, and made feel sexy and like a woman. Let us know how things go for you

I used to frequent the "hisandherhealth" website and met up with a very sharp gal there with the handle "Zaneblue". She had, over the years, formulated a diet which she, and others who tried it, said increased libido and made orgasms easier to attain. She had quite a following of gals who swore by the diet. It consisted of high doses of pharmaceutical grade fish oil among other things. She was featured in Elle magazine last year, and it appears she's got a diet book published now, but if you Google "zaneblue diet" I think you'll find it. If your wife is willing, it might be worth a try.

You and she are way too young to be giving up on sex. WAY too young! But libido is governed by our body's chemicals, and they're governed by who-knows-what. It's not age that cuts libido; it's the chemicals that change in our body as we age. Change the chemicals being produced and moods, libido and many other things change as well -- unfortunately some things change the wrong way. But I'd look into it.

If she doesn't like this diet idea, she should at least talk with a gynecologist. She owes that much to you and herself. Good luck.

p.s. My ex said the same thing when she was in her mid-30s. She wouldn't even talk about it. And that's why she's my ex.